Boy Window Chapter 13: Like A Baby Monkey

Last time in Boy Window... we find out that Amber's mom is talking to her dad and he wants back into their lives. Amber has a panic attack, Liam saves the day and they both come clean to Jake about their relationship. Jake almost punches Liam like Charles Solomon Jr from Witchcraft 2, but sadly, does not.

Chapter 13

“I woke at six with my alarm going off.”

I guess we are back to this now.

“I nudged him gently, deciding to play a joke on him.”

The joke is to awake him up as if Jake does not know he is snuggling her. Liam, half asleep, doesn't get the joke until Amber busts out laughing. I get how this is a joke, it's just not funny for me. What is funny is that this is the one time Amber isn't fighting Liam to get up.

Amber suggests they make out, instead they snuggle.

“'Hey, I get to make you breakfast without getting shouted at today'”

Again, can we just enjoy the fact that everyone laughs at how shitty Amber used to treat Liam before the magic “you're my boyfriend” wand was waved. It gets even better when Liam says

“'You know, it's kind of weird, you being all nice to me over breakfast.'”

Liam says she is pretty, they get within smooching distance and

“Jake cleared his throat dramatically from behind us as he strutted into the kitchen.”

I'd call him a buzz kill but I just realized we haven't had a make out scene in a chapter, and that makes me happy. Maybe this means we will get character development.

“'Well, come on then, lovebirds, I suppose you need to get to school a little earlier so you can announce you're together,' Jake stated, rolling his eyes.”

I thought it was cute when Benedict Cumberbatch announced his engagement in a classified advert in The Times because I thought it was classy and subdued for a celebrity. If anyone from high school made an announcement that they were dating someone, I would have found them conceited. Yeah, I know there is that whole bet business from two chapters ago but there is no need to post the fucking bans.

“Liam grinned and nodded, but I gasped and shook my head fiercely. 'No way! We can't do that,' I protested, turning to Liam.”

Everyone wonders why. Amber says she could really use that bet money. Jake choked on his drink because he doesn't want to know when they boink.

“'Jake, we're not having sex.' I shrugged, making his face relax a little. 'But when we do, I definitely want to win the pot. I won't if people know I'm his girlfriend already.'”

Time for some more Hex Lists!

1. You've already established that “whoever” the girlfriend is, she can win the bet if she put her money in. Amber put money down so it doesn't matter if she is the girlfriend or not. I know it would compromise the spirit of the bet, but the rules are the rules.
2. Why not lie and say that you did have sex. If Amber is traumatized she probably won't be able to have sex for a good while, possibly not until after they graduate. Why not just cut to the quick and say they've had sex. How would it be any different? And Jake could corroborate the story. Nobody is going to ask for proof, and there is no evidence that they could provide. that wouldn't be considered child pornography.
3. Why is the bet plot point here again? And now that I think about it, why did we have the wake up scene? What does any of this add to the story?

“'Angel, I don't want you to want to be with me for some bet.'”

She tells him that if they make sweet love down by the fire it won't because of money.

They exchange suggestive comments with her unstable brother staring on. He doesn't do anything mind you. I mean, yes, he groaned when he saw them being all cozy a few pages ago, but that was so a few pages ago. Besides, we can't have a consistent character now can we.

“'But will you be able to win? I mean, was the bet to make me break up with my girlfriend or something?' Liam asked, frowning.

I giggled and shook my head. 'Nope, I made sure of that. It's definitely just the next one to nail you, as they so eloquently put it.'”

You don't get to be condescending when you've just proven that there is no reason to hide your relationship.

They share a wink and a nod at school before Liam gets harassed by a couple dozen girls. But, it's funny because he's a guy!

“'Do you know how much the pot is now?' […] 'Today it's up to four thousand two hundred'”

210 girls care that much about Liam having a girlfriend. I don't get it. Is it cause I'm no longer a teen? Is it because I've never been all that invested in other people's relationships? Am I missing something important? I understand gambling, that's not the issue, I don't get this though. It feels like it is trying to be like a teen movie with a dumb bet, but those usually make some sort of sense. Rachel Leigh Cook is obviously a fox even in glasses and overalls, but I understand why Freddy Prince Jr made the bet to transform her.

Anyway...

Amber is so surprised by the number that she can't even math right now.

“That's like, oh man, I can't even work it out! Like two hundred girls, all wanting to sleep with my boyfriend!”

I wonder if real celebrities ever have this problem. Like when Tom Hiddleston is dating someone, does that person think “There are legions of women, men and non-binaries of all ages swooning and lusting after my boyfriend! Woe is me!”? Some how I doubt it.

But can you blame them?

Meanwhile...

Lunchtime happens and Amber decides to flirt with Liam.

“People needed to at least see that I was trying. I couldn't just announce that I had slept with him, so I needed people to see me putting in the effort.”

Why? We established that your probably not going to have sex for a while so why are you putting forth all this effort? And, it's not like they are going to deny you the money because they don't see you make a move. Besides, you live next door to each other and everyone knows you drive to school together. It would be reasonable to think that any and all flirting happened at home, you know, where you could have sex and not get arrested. This feels like an excuse to pad out the book with pointless flirtation.

Which is exactly what happens. I will skip over the most boring parts. Here is what I found most...interesting.

“Technically, I'd never flirted with him before...”

Yes, you have. We've seen it a dozen times in as many chapters.

“Oh, crap, I bet he makes me pay for this later!”

Cause that sounds sexy.

She then wipes off the pasta she dropped on his pants, but of course wipes a little too high.

“I grinned triumphantly. Hah! Take that, girls!”

Yeah, you show them that they can't flirt with your boyfriend when they don't know he is your boyfriend!

“'Kate, I think I need to go on the pill.'”

For real, I am mad at myself. I'm mad that I actually thought that they wouldn't have sex. I'm mad that I had the audacity to believe that her characters history would effect her actions and choices. This anger is a little preemptive, for all I know they could start out about to get down but Amber realize that this is too much too fast, but somehow I don't think that is the case.

Amber tries to tell me and Kate that she really isn't ready to have sex, it's just that she just doesn't want to get caught without protection. I like the promotion of safe sex but I don't believe that she won't use it but whatever. Kate offers to go with her to non-Planned Parenthood. Amber gratefully accepts because it wouldn't be manly for Liam to go. ...Grrr...arg...

Anyway...

Amber goes to tell Jake that Kate will be taking her home. Unfortunately, Jake is with guys and so naturally we get this.

“They all looked at me. I knew that some of the guys on the team liked me – it was obvious in the way that they stared at me.”

If it is so obvious then why did you never notice Liam eyeing you? Either you can tell when someone is interested or your as oblivious as a Slowpoke. You can't be both. And what happened to that throw away line in chapter 2 about how you have self-esteem issues? As someone with self-esteem issues, I assume no one is interested in me until they say so. But maybe that's just me.

Jake punches one of the guys for saying something flirty with a “Dude! Little Sister!” a sentiment that is mentioned about a dozen times.

Fast-forward a couple of pages at the clinic because there is nothing I can say about contraception other than “Be safe, don't be sorry.” Liam comes over and asks why she was all over him at lunch. Amber tell him that

“'I can't just rock up to Jessica and be all like 'yeah, I won the bet', can I?'”

Actually, you can but I'm too distracted by the phrase “rock up” to care about your illogic.

Liam tells her she was too over the top and that he wanted to jump her bones. He asks were she's been, she tells him that she went to the clinic.

“'You went to do this on your own?' he asked, frowning at me angrily.”

I know, how dare she act independently from you! Who does she think she is? Her own person?

They talk it out with him saying he should have gone with her and her saying she didn't think it was a place she should take her boyfriend. She doesn't get why he is hurt when she did this so they could have sex. He tries to explain that it has to do with him too so of course he cares. Know who doesn't care? Me. It's two tensionless pages of dialogue that will probably not effect the plot or change how the characters treat each other.

Make-outs happen. So long my reprieve. Jake walks in, is grossed out, and the boys play Halo. Amber takes this time to take a bubble bath and read a book. Liam walks in on her because I guess she doesn't believe in locking the bathroom door. He convinces her to get out because the water is cold. She gets back to her room.

“I realised as I climbed out of the tub that I hadn't brought any clothes with me to change in to. […] As I padded up the hallway towards my bedroom, I silently wished I'd just had a shower in my en-suite instead..”

This is the second time this has happened. Either Moseley was out of ideas or Amber never learns.

Liam is waiting for Amber in her room. She is in a towel and nothing else and instead of letting her get dressed, he decides he wants to warm her. I get that this is supposed to be sexy, but she would get a lot warmer a lot quicker if you let her dress herself instead of slowly doing it for her. It would also help if you let her get dressed without stopping to make-out some more. Alas, they do anyway. She goes from making out in her towel to making out in Liam's shirt.

I don't find it particularly sexy but when she describes herself clinging to his persons

“...like a baby monkey.”

it kills the mood with laughter.

oh so super sexy I'm sure

They talk about Jake and Liam's relationship. Liam says that Jake is warming up to the idea of them together. It makes them happy but disappoints me. Moseley spent all that time from chapter 6 onward with Amber and Liam talking about telling Jake as if this was going to be a big event. Yeah, Jake almost punches him, but that's it. Other than a little yelling over a few pages, all of which would have only taken about 3 minutes in real time, there was no real climax. It's like when someone talks non-stop about a movie/show/book. You hear how it is amazing and revolutionary over and over and over again, but then when you sit down to actually experience it, it's underwhelming. You were expecting something transcendent but that is not what you got.

I'm looking at you Teen Romance with your setting a high standard for High School love.

Jake interrupts their make-outs/conversation to say

“'You'd better not be naked with my little sister, James!'”

Apparently, Amber forgot to lock her door so Jake walked in when they were hiding under the covers.

“I scoffed and pushed the covers down further so that Jake could see I had a shirt on.”

Lucky for her Jake didn't ask her to get up because, as far as we know, she isn't wearing pants or panties.

Jake tells Amber that their mom is coming home on Sunday. I still don't get why a personal assistant for a director of an electronics company would travel so much but I'm immediately distracted by Amber “joking” with Jake about practicing for the bet. She all but told her brother that while he was sleeping, she may be loosing her virginity to his best friend.

And with that mental image, the chapter closes out.