Boy Window Chapter 5: Facepalm

Last time in Boy Window...There was a party that changed everything. And by everything, I mean Amber wore shorts and got wasted. She danced with Liam, was sexually assaulted by someone other than Liam, vomited and then made out Liam. Also, there was some really confusing description of her house.

Chapter 5

Amber wakes up with a hangover and her phone ringing. It's some dude named Justin telling Amber she is late for something. Liam says that he is sleeping and Justin says

“'Listen, Amber, kick that hot piece of ass out of your bed and get over here!'”

I guess when Amber said that no one knew that she and Liam were snuggle buddies, she meant no one but some guy named Justin.

“Justin was the only person who knew that Liam stayed with me; he didn't know the whole story as to why, but he knew that he did, though he only thought it was a Friday night after the party, not everyday. I'd had...”

I had to stop because this typo raises my hackles. “I'd” is the contraction for either “I would” or “I had” so either she is saying “I would had” or “I had had”

“...to tell Justin something because Liam drove me to my dance practice every Saturday, hungover or not, so Justin hand become suspicious and started asking too many questions.”

Amber, you know you could have just said that Jake was too hung over to drive. Or that he was busy. Or that Liam is a friend. Or really anything else. You could have said just about any other reasonable thing and you wouldn't have had to reveal your secret.

Liam is whiny about driving, and Amber agrees to buy lunch (with what money?) and she explains that Jake never watches her dance and would hate it if he did.

“Liam and Justin got on remarkably well, which actually really surprised me at first because I wouldn't have thought that a macho ice hockey player could be friends with an openly gay guy who liked to wear something pink every day. Shows how much I know.”

Busting out the hardcore stereotypes are we? Why wouldn't they get along? I know this is to illustrate how mature and open minded Liam is, but it just makes me think how narrow minded Amber is. Yeah, you're a manly man so naturally your homophobic? Macho athletes can't be good people? And what about straight dude can't wear pink everyday? Gay guys can't be macho ice hockey players?

Amber bribes Justin with doughnuts and wakes Liam up. He tells her that her shirt is riding up. He offers to help her with that and she decides to “tease” him.

(Side note: she uses various conjugations of the word “tease” 93 times)

“It wasn't like he'd never seen me in my underwear before; he saw enough of me last night while I was being sick in just my underwear!”

Now you care?

And another thing, did she sleep in her bra? That is not comfy.

She takes the shirt off, tosses it at him and goes to her closet to “find some sweatpants or something I could wear to dance in.”

“He gasped behind me and then let out a little moan.”

Does he need a new pair of pants? Ew.

He gets up and goes to her.

“'So, am I allowed to touch you today?'”

He says this literally breathing down her neck and I find it very creepy. Yeah, it is supposed to be sexy, and I like that he is at least asking permission, but I think of Hey, Arnold when I read this.

She “stiffened” but don't worry it's not because this has anything to do with her emotion problems but rather because he is a “Greek God," swoon. I'm kinda over the “Adonis” / “Greek God” thing in books. You know what a lot of the greek gods weren't known for? Consent.

“'Um...I don't know...do you want to?' […] He'd been with so many girls before, all of them prettier than me and more experienced than me. That had been my first real kiss last night; no doubt I sucked royally at it!”

Yeah, that's why he is asking if he can touch you, because he doesn't want to.

He nods and she let's him touch her.

“One hand made its way up, gripping the back of my neck lightly, while the other hand tickled its way downward. I gasped as his hand brushed over my ass, just once, before coming to rest on the small of my back.”

Did he over shoot the small of her back? How this plays out in my head is, he goes for the butt grope but she gasps so he moves his hand back up to the small of her back.

And right as he is going in for the kiss, her phone rings. Liam is all “Oh no” and Amber is all “Oh no” and I am all

“'Just making sure you and your hot ass friend didn't go back to sleep'”

She uses variations of “ass” 84 times. This may be a new game for me.

They get dressed and both are not being dicks. This surprises both Amber and me, and we both wonder how long it will last.

“'You know you have the sexiest ass in the world, right?'”

Maybe Moseley has the butts disease. We should ask Jeph Jacques how to diagnose.

Amber goes into the bathroom for some introspection. Which really reminds me of the song “The Confrontation” from the musical Jekyll and Hyde.

“What's wrong with me […] He's going to crush you, and you're going to end up like that damn slut Jessica […] But he wouldn't do that to me. He'd spent every night with me for the last eight year.”

Liam left while she got dressed, leaving a daisy on the windowsill. Amber tucks the flower into her ponytail and leaves a note for Jake exchanging cleaning up for a movie night with her girls. Apparently this was her “usual bribe for helping him clear up” so I don't know why Jake didn't threaten her with “no movie night if you don't help” but what do I know about having siblings. I only have a few myself.

Meanwhile...

Liam is smiling like an idiot and Amber is all “Why you do happy?” To which, Liam replies with

“'I had a good night last night, that's all. I finally scored with some really hot chick that I've been after for a while.'”

And while everyone in the world with complete use of their mental faculties understands what this means, Amber thinks this bullshit.

“My insides felt like someone had shoved a chainsaw into my stomach. He had hooked up with someone, and then came on to me in the bed?”

Foghorns are less subtle than this. How does Amber not get it? No, really, I don't understand why this would be the first place she would go. Even if she some how has less self-esteem than me, think about last night for two seconds. When did Liam have time to hook up with anyone other than Amber? He spends the whole night trailing her, dancing with her, fighting her brother and then her attacker, then comforting her while she is sick. When did he have time to have make outs with anyone else?

I find myself thinking

She hates on him, gets doughnuts, listens to rave music so she doesn't have to talk to him. They get to her dance studio and she brags about how good they are.

“I loved to dance. Street dance was my favourite and anything that went with a hip hop beat got my vote.”

…Amber, sweetie, I don't know if you know this but street dance doesn't mean this

I only say this because most street dance involves sexual overtones and touching. Unless she just does break dance.

She gets there, apologizes for over sleeping and Justin says

“'That's OK. I'd oversleep too if I had that fine ass in my bed.”

Way to keep a secret Justin.

“We set to work on a new routine; it was hard and complicated and even had some pretty scary lifts.”

It must be hard to do lifts if you have panic attacks any time someone touches you.

“The worst one was when I was on Ricky's shoulders and had to flip off, turn in the air so I was facing backwards, then he would catch me as I fell down his body. Almost instantly, I had to wrap my legs around his waist before leaning all the way back, putting my arms on the floor and rolling my body into the floor.”

I will share a secret with the whole internet. I am not a dancer. That being said, I am calling shenanigans on this. First, it sounds less like street dance and more like cheer leading or gymnastics. Secondly, if this was physically possible, it would be an advanced move and even then it is needlessly complicated. Third, what happened to “I can't be touched by anyone”? You and Ricky seem to be touching an awful lot.

Amber tries a dozen times before practice is over. She is too tired to get up so Liam picks her up taking her to the girls shower. Then, he sets her down in the shower and turns the water on. It is a good thing that the other 3 girls on her dance crew, or any other female patron of the studio, was not using the shower at this time. They are just lucky I guess.

Anyway...

They make out in the shower. Then Amber gets scared because of what she sees on his face

“Lust, plain and simple. Liam wanted my body badly.”

Nah, he just wanted to snog you within an inch of your life because it is how he asks about your day. Don't even get him started on the weather, things will get steamy, and if he asks about the theater just run!

10 points to anyone who gets this reference!

Liam is oddly, but appropriately, concerned that he is moving too fast. Amber thinks about how he can have sex with anyone, and that it is something that she probably won't be able to give him.

“...he could have any girl he wanted, and he did!”

“'Liam, what do you want from me?'”

“'Everything,' he said simply.”

Even though that line is about as hackneyed as it gets, Amber is still pissed about “that skank” that he hooked up with. It is ten paragraphs of Liam trying to explain that Amber is an idiot before she realizes that it was her he was talking about.

He professes his love for her and we find out it was Jake keeping him from making a move. Although, Liam has made his intentions pretty clear thus far, but whatever, if this means a conflict I'll bite. Jake is keeping them apart.

Amber hesitates because she is afraid of Liam breaking her heart. If I was her I would be more concerned about sexual expectations, trust issues, and occasional episodes which may lead to panic attacks or violence then ultimately rejection. But hey, him cheating on you is important too. Amber thinks about how much she needs Liam in her life. They smooch, and she talks about how

“It wasn't something I could think through and reason out the pros and cons.”

Yeah, actually it is. If you think it will emotionally destroy you to be with him, then don't do it. If he is really a friend and not a neck-beard, he wont be upset. Especially, if you make it clear that you just aren't ready for a relationship. But whatever. I'm sure having untreated PTSD from sexual trauma and being in a relationship will in no way end badly. Do carry on.

They decide to go on a lunch date and Liam suggests they change because, if you remember, he turned the shower on while they were still clothed. Naturally, he needs to comment on how sexy she is wet and the chapter thankfully ends. Huzzah!

Boy Window Chapter 4: The party that changes everything

Last time in Boy Window...Liam sexually assaults Amber but it's okay 'cause he only meant to objectify her not cause a panic attack and he said he was sorry. They have a non-date where physiology works against the narrative. And the chapter ended with the promise of a 90's teen movie party and a new definition for PTSD.

Chapter 4

We start this chapter with Amber explaining how they get their underage drink on while she takes a bath.

“When the boys came back from their illegal, underage booze buying trip and started clattering around downstairs...”

Wait? Your house is two stories? Does Amber live on the bottom floor? If not then how does Liam sneak in her bedroom window every night? Even if her room was downstairs when she was younger, we have seen him exit through the window twice now. Do they have a ladder perpetually under her window? Or perhaps a conveniently placed tree? If so, how has no one caught on?

“I sighed and wrapped myself in a towel. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I walked straight into a hard body. I squealed as I stumbled. Liam's hands shot out, gripping my waist and steadying me.”

Okay, 4 things about this.

1. I'm over girls in books being klutzy. 36 pages in and Amber has tripped or knocked something over half a dozen times.
2. Why is she not panicking? She is wearing nothing but steam and a towel and the girl is in the arms of a dude who sexually assaulted her earlier that day. Yeah, they had a non-date also, but I'm never going to let that moment of assholery go.
3. Why is she only wearing a towel? When I shared a bathroom with roommates, I brought my change of clothes with me into the bathroom. It didn't matter if they went out, I was paranoid they would come home and catch me in such a state. Amber doesn't even mention “forgetting” her clothes so I have to assume it is on purpose.
4. If she lives downstairs, was she planning on walking through her house in nothing but a towel with her brother and his friends around? I don't get this floor plan at all.

Liam creeps on her. She gets huffy.

“...storming off to my bedroom, silently wishing I'd just chosen to have a shower in my en-suite rather than a bath in the family bathroom.”

She has an en suite bathroom? Does she have the master bedroom in the house? Why would a sixteen year old get the master? Or do all the rooms have a bathrooms? If that is the case what makes the bath tub she used the “family bathroom”? How can a single parent make enough money for that kind of house? The more I learn about the spacing of this house the more confused I get.

Amber goes into her bedroom, which leads me to believe she is on the second floor, and Liam goes after her. He tries to open the door, but bro, you just saw that she was naked so, maybe she wants to get dressed? I don't know, call me crazy, but that is what I would want to do.

Amber is naked, but since Liam uses “that voice” she relents. She let's him in first, then dresses because...? Reasons? Is that the answer we are going with?

“I stepped to my drawers and found my favourite T-shirt of Liam's that I'd found in the wash. I pulled it on, being careful to keep the towel wrapped tightly around me too.”

Why couldn't she have gotten dressed first? If she is joining the party, she is just going to have to put a bra and panties on after they are done talking, so what is the point of putting on his shirt now? Why does she even have his shirt and how has he never noticed it before? They see each other, both day and night, every day. Unless she only wears it under hoodies, he would have seen it on her.

Apparently, it is her favorite shirt for lounging around the house and she is terrified that he is going to ask for it back so she tells him that she is not handing it over. He says it looks better on her anyway. She cares not for his “flirting”. I add the quotes because I do not consider random compliments flirting. And he finally explains what was so important that it could not wait for her to have pants.

“'I just wanted to drop off my stuff.'”

Fuck you Liam. Seriously, we are four chapters in and I'm dedicating Star Lord to every time I want to say fuck you Liam. What was the point of this? I don't understand why any of these characters do anything they do.

Liam makes a comment about a girl wearing her guy's shirt and Amber kicks him out. She takes some time to tell us she is going to be different tonight and wear lacy underoos, black shorts and a tank top. She talks about how she isn't super pretty and has her insecurities but some how I don't care. It doesn't normalize her, it some how still comes off as gloating.

“I knew that Jake wouldn't like my outfit though. It probably showed too much skin for his liking, even though I was entirely covered and compared to the girls he and Liam were used to hanging around with, I looked like a nun.”

Yay, more slut-shaming. I was hoping that chapter 2 was going to start a trend. I mean, of course Amber should look down on women who wear what they want. If they think they can choose their own clothes then soon they will think they can make other choices for themselves and where would we be?

And why would Jake have a problem with her wearing shorts and a tank top? What is he an American school administrator? Shorts and a tank not apart of the dress code? I would get him being uncomfortable with his sister wearing lacy panties but that's because it suggests someone may see the pretty panties and bro, that's his little sister.

“Besides, no one would pay any attention to me. They never did.”

“I was afraid of what would happen if they did. I was afraid of what they would see. I was afraid that they would notice the cracks in my cold exterior and see the broken girl beneath. The girl who stayed silent on Sundays and wept in Liam's arms until she fell asleep.”

Psyche! Moseley didn't write that. But let's talk about what she did write.

I interpreted this two ways. The first was with frustration because we have seen several people notice her. She even says that it is only because Jake and Liam are overprotective that guys do not hit on her and that is happy about that because of PTSD. So, no, you don't get to sing “I'm a lonesome polecat” when your isolation is by choice and you were content with it two chapters ago.

The second way I read this was a slight to her family for not doing anything when her dad abused her. Like “just keep smiling mom, just like you never saw what he did” kinda thing but somehow I doubt that is what Moseley was going for.

Amber sits around until the party is “in full swing” so that “Jake wouldn't be able to tell me to go change in front of everyone and embarrass me.”

“As I inched out of my room and made my way down the hall, I saw Jake in the kitchen.”

So she does live downstairs, which explains how Liam gets in and out of her room but then we have the running around in nothing but a towel when your brother and his (as you described them) “man-whore” friends are hanging out, problem. And why is her room downstairs when everyone else's is probably upstairs? Or is only “the family bathroom” upstairs? Does up and downstairs mean something else in where ever this book takes place?

But then Jake sees her and stops my architectural confusion.

“His eyes narrowed and he gave a small shake of the head, mouthing the word 'change' to me.”

Why does he care? It's shorts and a tank top. What is so inappropriate about shorts and a tank top? Yeah it could look like this

but I highly doubt that Amber is into cosplay.

Amber ignores Jake and runs into her friend Sean who pokes fun at her for showing her legs. Cause I guess she never wears anything but jeans, but then I have to wonder why she owns the shorts in the first place if she never wears them. I guess someone could have given them to her, but clothes are a S.O. and mom gift and there is an absence of both in her life so she probably would have gotten them herself.

Amber narrates that her two best friends are flirting with her brother, as usual, and that he is uninterested but likes the attention and makes sure to get it when ever he wants.

You know what I want? A likable character. It's rude to hit on your BFF's brother without discussing it first with said BFF. And Amber is letting her friends get their feelings manipulated and eventually hurt because she is aware that Jake has no interest in them at all. And Jake is encouraging young women he has no romantic interest in.

“Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind”

“...and I wasn't there anymore. I could no longer hear the thrum of the music or see the writhing bodies on the dance floor. I could only feel the arms around me and remember what it was like on those days when I became his 'special girl'. Bile filled my throat as memories filled my mind...”

Nah, I'm just shitting you. It's just Liam here to tell her she looks great and she says

“'Get bent'”

Which I didn't know that teens said that anymore. I know it's been nearly a decade since I was in high school, but I didn't realize the language changed that much.

Amber walks in with the OBC laying down for body shots and she asks Liam to join. Apparently, Liam can't just say no and he silently asks Amber for help but she just encourages him to do a body shot. So Liam picks her up, puts her on the counter and says he'll take a shot off of her. She calls him a whore and he sets her down. And

No, seriously. Why does this matter? Why is this here? Liam has a thing for Amber. We get it, did we need this scene to drive that home? What is the point?

I guess the point is to give Amber a reason to drink because that is what she decides next. I don't get how point A led to point B but I find myself channeling Clark Gable.

Amber starts to drink, Liam tries to slow her down, and she declares she wants to get wasted. So she does. Liam keeps an eye on her and Amber's friends are all “he has a thing for you” and she is all “nah, he just doesn't want to clean my vomit”.

Amber goes for a refill, Liam asks her to dance cause it's his favorite song. So they do.

“I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into his neck. He smelled phenomenal, and I wondered what he would taste like if I licked him. Wait, did I just think about licking Liam like he was a Popsicle or something?”

“The song wasn't really a slow song so we were swaying quite fast and half grinding against each other.”

The song is “She's like a star” by Taio Cruz. I didn't know it, so I looked it up out of curiosity. She is right that it is not slow, but it's not fast either, moderate is the most appropriate word. Considering she says she loves dancing in the next sentence, I have to wonder what she considers fast. In all honesty, I think Moseley just chose the song because it shares the same cliches .

“I could feel him getting aroused but this didn't bother me.”

Alcohol is a sedative and a depressant and has the wonderful side effect of making mental health problems more pronounced. If Amber has symptoms of PTSD, like the narrative keeps insisting she does, and if she has gone untreated for it, alcohol would wreck her. And just to prove I'm not just talking out my ass, here is a quote from the US Department of Veteran Affairs website on PTSD

“Alcohol use and intoxication (getting drunk) can increase some PTSD symptoms. Examples of symptoms that can get worse are numbing of your feelings, being cut off from others, anger and irritability, depression, and the feeling of being on guard.”

But Amber is wasted and relaxed and calmly thinking about how morning wood is normal (which it is). She sees Liam smiling and she swoons a little before Jake cock blocks with the standard “Dude, what the fuck? That's my little sister!”

“'Jake, seriously, I'm just dancing with her! That's her song!'”

1. Jake has the right to be upset when his best friend is grinding his erection against his once traumatized and currently drunk sister.
2. Did we really need to hammer it home that the song is symbolic?

“'Liam, you need to stay away from my sister. She's only sixteen for fuck's sake, and you know what she's been through. She doesn't need guys like you chasing her around.'”

All valid points. The being sixteen one is a little weak, they are eighteen so I don't see the problem as long as they don't have sex.

Jake and Liam argue. Amber cares not for her brother and his best friend of eleven years having a potentially friendship ending argument over her, and decides to drink some more. Cause why not?

Amber walks into another guy (does she need glasses?) he looks like he is in a grunge band and a little older than Jake.

“I immediately flinched because he was touching me, but the drink had numbed some of my worry nervousness...”

She is having an attack of Plot Convenience, he must be a bad guy.

“'I'm Trent'”

Trent: I'll be your assailant for this evening so your love interest can rescue you.

Amber: Didn't we do this in Chapter 2?

Trent: Honey, that was so 20 pages ago.

“I didn't recognize him from school, 'You go to Penn State?' I asked”

Do you go to Pennsylvania State University Amber, who is sixteen? Didn't she says she was in high school? Is that were this is taking place, Pennsylvania State...high school? If they are in college then I have even more questions about how they talk. So far, they don't really talk like teens and they certainly don't talk like college students. I am so confused.

It turns out that Trent is the OBC's brother and Amber decides it's a great idea to drink with this guy she just met who makes her uncomfortable. To be clear, this isn't a case of “how do I politely reject him so that I don't end up in a body bag” situation. This is a “he asked me to drink and that sounds like a great idea” situation. And it turns out, it's not.

He pushes her against the counter and tries to kiss her while she has a panic attack.

“When his breath blew across my lip...”

Moseley really likes this phrase. This is the third time it has come up in 42 pages.

“...I gasped and pulled my head back sharply, yelping as the back of my head connected with the cupboard behind me. My eyes watered as my body started to shake. Trent frowned, seeming a little bemused...”

How does one frown and look bemused at the same time?

“...before he closed the distance and pressed his lips to mine.”

That took so long I was sure someone would stop him. He kisses her. Amber narrates how it makes her feel dirty and ashamed, and I'm sorry, but I still don't care. The writing is just not connecting with me on an emotional level, I don't actually feel her anxiety, and I don't fear for her safety.

“Suddenly he was gone. Through tear-filled eyes, I saw Liam pinning the guy against the wall.”

Liam yells at him. Amber goes to her room, and her private bathroom, and pukes. Liam comes in to comfort her while she is sick. He helps her brush her teeth, and get undressed. At this point she is all giggly and has forgotten about the sexual assault of five minutes ago and the panic attack it caused. Liam takes off her shoes and Amber is having a giggle fit, in her pretty underwear, shortly after a PTSD episode wherein she remembered her father raping and molesting her for 8 years. But teehee I'm drunk-a-dee-drunk-drunk.

Then she pukes some more, brushes her teeth again, and Liam gives her the shirt off his back.

Why did we need to go through her vomiting and brushing her teeth twice? What did it add?

And it gets better, because you know what all rape survivors think about when they are half passed out from alcohol consumption and they were just sexually assaulted reminding them of their trauma?

“'That jerk stole my first proper kiss!'”

Fuck you Amber

“A girl's first kiss is important to her.”

Again, fuck you Amber.

Liam reminds Amber that he was her first kiss, cause I guess she forgot that one time when she was eleven and she kissed him to comfort him when he fell out of a tree. Plot convenience!

Liam says it was his first and best kiss, I guess eleven year old Amber really knows how to smooch. Amber insists he go enjoy the party. He says no, thanks. He falls asleep. Amber talks about how sexy he is. Liam wakes up and says he feel violated. Amber says that Liam does it all the time to her (which makes it okay?), he says he is sorry.

Fast forward through the foreplay and they kiss

 Not really

They make out and, because it is not needed right now, her PTSD is taking a coffee break. I wish I could join, a tiramisu latte sounds bomb right now.

Jake bangs on the door, Amber tells him to go away. He asks what happened to Liam, Amber lies and says that he went home, and before they are sure he left Liam is kissing Amber again.

“'Amber, are you OK? You sound a little strange.'”

“Look Jake it is really hard to talk with your besties tongue in my mouth.”

In reality, she giggles (again) and tells Jake she threw up and wants to go to bed, and that she wont clean up in the morning. Jake tells her they both know she will anyways and he leaves.

More make-outs happen. He goes in for some boob action and Amber hits the brakes. Not because of bad memories but because things are moving too fast. They cuddle instead, and Amber starts to regret the kissing.

“After all, I'd just made out with my brother's best friend, who was a total man-whore, and who only cared about himself.”

Amaterasu above, I am made of lists in this recap.

1. Her first point is valid.
2. “total man-whore” are you afraid he has an STD? Are you afraid he wont be faithful? I thought you didn't want or could not handle a relationship. Or is this supposed to be a “she doesn't realize she is secretly in love with him” cause she barely seems to tolerate anyone.
3. What makes you think he only cares about himself? He has been a ass hat at times but not necessarily selfish. And given how much of this chapter was dedicated to showing that he wants to take care of Amber, it is unfair to say he only cares about himself.

And that's all for this chapter folks. But I do want to talk about something that I couldn't fit in earlier. There is no reason for Amber's sudden change. Usually, there is a catalyst, an event, or epiphany that makes a character change. Amber gets out of the bath and suddenly break routine by wearing shorts and drinking for no reason. There is no lead in or explanation as to why tonight, at this specific party, she wants to be different, and that is just bad writing. I can't side with a character if I don't understand them. I can't understand them, if I don't know what drives them. And, as of yet, I do not know what drives these characters other than the author's desire to make plot points happen.

Boy Window Chapter 3: Anger is the only response

Last time in Boy Window. Liam makes Amber over sleep. She hates him and everyone else in the world but not for any of the legitimate reasons that she has. They cuddle and make up. Riveting. 

Chapter 3

“I woke at six o'clock as usual”

Durga's left foot, what is with her and the word “usual” just how often does this appear? The power of word search tells me, at least 60 times. In a book where the narrative takes up about 266 pages that is once every 4 pages. That doesn't seem like a lot, but half the time the word isn't needed. She could have said she had her alarm set to 6 every morning and it would have had the same effect. This is a knit pick I know, but it annoys me.

“I had my head on his chest and my leg draped over his crotch, which, as usual, was already full of the 'morning glory' that happened to all boys.”

Does he wake up every morning with an erection? That must be damnably uncomfortable.*

Anyway...

Amber tries to wake Liam, he pulls her on top of him, then wakes up, they get into a other spat and he apologizes and kisses her forehead. There, I saved you a page of reading. You're welcome.

More cereal eating antics. A friend asks for advice on getting his girlfriend a birthday present.

“I chuckled, wondering if I'd ever be able to have that kind of normal boy-girl relationship that other people took for granted.”

That's rather hetero-normative of you to say Amber, are LGBTQA peeps not around where you are from?

Amber thinks she is late, rushes to class, sees Liam and he...

“...stuck his foot out, tripping me up. I squealed and closed my eyes as I plummeted forwards. Before I hit the ground, his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me upright.”

...Am I supposed to swoon now? Usually, when the hero puts the heroine in danger, it's supposed to be by accident. Like “I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess” and then the audience and the heroine go “no, it's not your fault. I chose to be here with you.” But this is completely his fault. What is this dudes problem? Amber says that he has this dual personality. Night Liam is all sweet and Day Liam is an ass hat, but so far it's more like Liam is alright except when does awful things out of nowhere for no reason. Is he like Launch from Dragon Ball? Does he sneeze and become a twat waffle for a minute, sneeze again and then be fine?

"Aaaaaa-douche"

Not all characters have to be likable. Not all characters are meant to be liked. Joffery is one example. But I feel like Amber and Liam are supposed to be likable, and they are not.

“...his hands slipped down my back and came to rest on my butt. 'Mmm nice,' he purred in my ear.”

And now you are sexually assaulting the girl you protected from a rapist!? In what world is this an okay thing to do? Answer: NONE.

“My breath caught in my throat as memories of my father surfaced, of his breath on my neck and his hands on my body as he told me how special I was.”

Praise Allah!

“By George She's Got It!”

How sad is it that I am happy that Amber is responding appropriately to this shitty situation?

Sweet, now if the rest of the book has this level of verisimilitude we will be good. A+ Moseley. I didn't think you could do it, but rock on.

Amber knees him in the balls. (Another reasonable response, things are looking up.)

“'Angel, don't go. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry […] I was only joking around, you know I'd never hurt you.'”

It is one thing to accidentally hurt the one you love. It's shitty, but it happens. People do things with no intention of causing anyone harm, but they do. This is not one of those situations.

Let's pretend that sexual assault, by itself, is an okay way to “joke around”. Let's pretend that it is not one person invading another persons space and trust for their own gratification and with no regard for the persons free will. Let's pretend that people are like clothes at the store, you can feel them up as much as you like before asking permission. Let's pretend this does not make someone a terrible person. You still would not do this.

You do not sexually assault someone you love when you know that they were a victim of sexual abuse. You do not intentionally remind them of their past trauma and expect that to be okay. You don't get to apologize and say “I'd never hurt you” because, guess what asshole? You did, and you did it on purpose.

If Liam didn't know that Amber was raped for 8 years, then this would be awful, but I could accept his apology, but he does know. I'm 25 pages in and I am hoping that the love interest gets hit by a train. Only about 241 more pages to go.

“Liam shook his head and hobbled closer to me, pulling me into a hug and pressing his lips to the base of my neck.”

I hate Liam. How is that supposed to help? Cause at this point, he is trying to make amends and calm her down. So performing an act of intimacy on a person who is in the middle of a PTSD episode, is just about the worst thing you can do.

“This was what Liam always did to calm me down when I was sobbing on his shoulder; this was the only thing that seemed to work.”

No. No. No. No. No. That is not how that works Kirsty Moseley! Cuddling? Sure, it may help the victim feel safe and secure. But neck kissing? That is a purely sexual act. I've kissed friends before, in a friendly manner. That's just a thing, but if I saw my best friend crying because she is traumatized by someone's sexual advances, I'm not going to nuzzle her neck.

I was so happy that Amber actually acted like a real person for a minute and then this happens and now I hate Liam. Can the main characters be good people at the same time for one scene please? Is that too much to ask?

Liam apologizes a couple of times saying how he “wasn't thinking” and Amber blames herself because it happens anytime anyone touches her. Which again, people have touched her a dozen times in the book in casual and intentional ways but this is the first real time we see her react (I don't count the two dudes in chapter 2 cause her response was muted). Amber says she is sorry for kneeing him, which she shouldn't because, as Liam says, it was his own damn fault. This whole scene just makes me see red.

“I had a feeling that when Liam looked into my eyes, he could see the real me the one I tried to hide from everyone, the scared little girl that didn't like people to touch her...”

She hides it so well that audience can't tell that she has issues half the time.

Amber spends the next paragraph, more or less, repeating the same thing. No one, man, woman or child can touch her, except for her mom, Jake and Liam (most of the time). I liked that she was at least acknowledging her PTSD but we aren't finding out anymore about Amber or her state of mind with each repetition. If she was still in panic mode, I'd get it more, because anxiety will do that to a person, but she is calm now and reflecting and we still are just barely grazing the surface.

Anyway...

They are late to class, and in this world, skipping is some how better than just being late. I'm pretty sure that the teachers would prefer them to be in class, albeit 10 minutes late, but hey what do I know. If sexual assault is a joke then maybe missing 10 minutes is worse then truancy.

Amber doesn't know which Liam will be hanging out with her today (my vote? Neither), and then thinks this.

“Great, an hour with day Liam is my worst nightmare.”

Considering what just happened two pages ago, when you had a breakdown, I don't think the hyperbole is appropriate.

They get to an ice skating rink, which Amber hates, and the best sentence so far is uttered.

“You need skate hire?”

Why is it the best? Because now I'm too distracted by it to think about how awful our protagonists are. I can't even begin to talk about what is wrong with this sentence. If this came from a person with English as a second language, I would completely forgive them. English is not a fun language to learn if it is not your first, but we are given no narrative clue that this is the case.

"You need skate hire?"

Amber tells us that the woman saying this is in her late 20's and undressing Liam with her eyes but no other descriptors that would explain why a phrase like “you need skate hire?” exists as it does.

Meanwhile...

Amber is “dumbstruck” because Liam knows her shoe size. Girl, you've known him since you were five and have been snuggling since you were eight, why does this surprise you? Is shoe size knowledge a thing that only your true love knows? Cause I could probably guess, like, half of my friend's shoe size.

Amber “teases” Liam about the cashier checking him out. I'm not sure why this is here. Amber isn't jealous, there isn't so much as a “I don't know why, but I feel the need to punch her in the face.”

I suppose it's just so Liam can say

“Don't worry, I'm not interest in her”

But Amber just rolls her eyes and says she doesn't care, and I believe her.

Anyway...

Liam teaches her how to skate. She falls a bunch (like ya do) but Liam positions himself behind her so she falls on him instead of the ice.

It's a little over two pages of harmless fun. Neither character is being awful but I don't find it particularly interesting either. It's the literary equivalent to plain porridge. It provides some nutrition (in this case, relationship development), but it is just bland.

Amber asks what time it is thinking

“First period must be nearly over now, surely.”

Liam replies as if he heard her that school is almost out. Amber freaks and almost falls. Naturally, Liam catches her, but now they are within smooching distance. Will they kiss?

Why swoon for Liam when you can swoon for Clark Gable?

“He gulped and pulled back, leaving his hands on my hips as support.”

“As I started to fall again, he bent down and scooped me into his arms, gripping one of his forearms firmly under my ass, and forcing my thighs around his waist with the other hand.”

Allow me to illustrate how this would actually work IRL.

I'm 5'6, Super Sonic is about 5'4. We don't know how tall Liam or Amber is so this will have to work.

In order for “his forearm” to be “firmly under [her] ass” she would be sitting at chest height.

Me and Super Sonic are at eye level because he has legs that go on for miles and a short torso.

This is Bonnie, she is about the same height as Super Sonic but has a longer torso and shorter legs.

When I carry Bonnie as the book describes, she flops over my shoulder, nearly in a fireman's carry.

In conclusion, unless Amber has an extremely short torso, Liam would have to carry her with his hands on her butt and her arms around his neck.

Which Amber does, because Liam takes her around the rink once carrying her like that. She gets all “what is this feeling in my pants?” but says out loud

“'why didn't you just get off at the exit?'”

To which he obviously lies and says

“'You slowed me down the whole time; I just wanted one lap where I could skate forwards, that's all'”

And then she feels guilty.

I have hardcore (leftover) Catholic guilt. I feel guilty about almost everything almost all the time, and I would not feel guilty about this. It's not like you asked for the skating lessons. He knows you didn't know how. Who cares if he was holding back for you when he brought you there to teach you?

Whatever, they leave, get McDonald's and Amber is all surprised because he knows her order. Again, I know this is supposed to be some deep meaningful “he's the one” clue, especially when she says how her bother can't even remember her order, but it's kind of lame in the grand scheme of things.

Chatting ensues. She is amazed how easy it is talking to him.

“I'd never spent much time with him on my own before […] I couldn't help but wonder why he hid his incredible personality behind the man-whore, male chauvinistic pig attitude.”

Other than the one time that Amber admits he was being extremely shitty, she has been more antagonistic than him.

And then Liam has to ruin it.

“Don't you trust me? How could you have thought I wouldn't hurt you earlier at school? I've had plenty of opportunities to touch you or force you into something over the last eight years, haven't I?”

If she could trust you, you wouldn't have done that. It doesn't matter how much you love someone or trust someone. PTSD (like most mental health problems) doesn't work like that Moseley. You can love someone more than anyone in the world but it means shit if they trigger an episode. Soldiers kill their partners and children who accidentally set off an episode, this doesn't mean they didn't love or trust that person. It means that they need help.

“'You took me by surprise, that's all'[...] No one had ever pushed me for details […] I refused to go to therapy after he left, my mom and Jake had tried to talk me into it, but I just didn't want anyone to know. I was ashamed of it...”

I know I've been using a lot of pictures in this recap, it's mostly because I'm pissed and I want to offset that anger, but I can't joke about this. The following is just my personal opinion, you may disagree, but as a person with problems this is my response.

Amber being ashamed is a valid emotion, but it is utterly irresponsible of her mother and Jake to not have her go to therapy. No, they could not make her talk. And yes, she loves them more for not pressing the issue. But she was raped for 8 years. She was sexual abused, let's say, one Sunday out of four, for 8 years. If she were my child, I would sit her down in a therapists office whether she liked it or not. She wouldn't have to talk about what happened, she could talk about how much she resented me for making her be there, but she would have to be there so when she is ready to talk, she can. Not doing anything is just about the worst thing that they could have done. Because in the end this is how it all translates in the mind of a person with problems: Police? No, no one important was hurt. Therapy? She has no reason to be upset. She brought it on herself. She deserved it. Because if anyone actually cared, they would have fucking done something.

I had to walk away from reading/writing this so I wouldn't break something. It took watching Cute High Earth Defense Club Love and sleeping to calm me down enough to continue.

 “Gods bless magical boys”

Amber explains she has panic attacks when ever anyone touches her (except her mom, Jake, and Liam). This is the third (or fourth time depending how you think about it) that she says almost the exact same thing. This vexes me partly because it is uncreative, partly because it is bad writing, and partly because when someone repeats themselves using the same words every time, they sound scripted or like they are lying. It makes doubt this character and that makes me feel awful.

She says she is sorry for upsetting him, which is stupid as shit because he should be the only apologizing but whatever. Only two pages left to this chapter, I need this to be over.

Liam asks Amber to not tell Jake about them hanging out because

“'I'm not supposed to hang out with you' […] 'on account of me being a 'disgusting man-whore''”

Gee, I was so concerned about that plot thread. I stayed up all night trying to figure out why they didn't spend more awake time together. My life is complete.

Liam adds a bit about her “fine ass” Amber calls him a pig. They get to school, Jake smacks Liam for hitting on Amber. In my head, it looks like this

“But I am an optimist"

And Jake says that it's Friday, which means

Apparently, the brother who is super over protective and is aware that proximity to people gives his sister panic attacks, likes to throw caution to the wind and have wild parties every week. Thanks for being a bro.

“'I mean, can't someone else have it for a week so I don't have to clear up after your drunken idiot friends?'”

Really? Amber's only problem is that she'll have to clean up? It has nothing to do with her anxiety or invasion of personal space? What happened to the Amber that reacted reasonably? If she wasn't an untreated, unmediated, rape survivor, this would be an okay response, but I feel like Moseley forgets that she is. Amber seems to only have PTSD when it is needed for the plot. I hate to break it to anyone but PTSD does not stand for Plot Convenience.

With that revelation, the chapter is over. Thank baby Jesus.

*I asked the resident male about Liam's consistent morning wood and he says it happens, it's annoying, but it's a non-issue. As I do not have a penis, it still sounds uncomfortable.