Boy Window Chapter 5: Facepalm

Last time in Boy Window...There was a party that changed everything. And by everything, I mean Amber wore shorts and got wasted. She danced with Liam, was sexually assaulted by someone other than Liam, vomited and then made out Liam. Also, there was some really confusing description of her house.

Chapter 5

Amber wakes up with a hangover and her phone ringing. It's some dude named Justin telling Amber she is late for something. Liam says that he is sleeping and Justin says

“'Listen, Amber, kick that hot piece of ass out of your bed and get over here!'”

I guess when Amber said that no one knew that she and Liam were snuggle buddies, she meant no one but some guy named Justin.

“Justin was the only person who knew that Liam stayed with me; he didn't know the whole story as to why, but he knew that he did, though he only thought it was a Friday night after the party, not everyday. I'd had...”

I had to stop because this typo raises my hackles. “I'd” is the contraction for either “I would” or “I had” so either she is saying “I would had” or “I had had”

“...to tell Justin something because Liam drove me to my dance practice every Saturday, hungover or not, so Justin hand become suspicious and started asking too many questions.”

Amber, you know you could have just said that Jake was too hung over to drive. Or that he was busy. Or that Liam is a friend. Or really anything else. You could have said just about any other reasonable thing and you wouldn't have had to reveal your secret.

Liam is whiny about driving, and Amber agrees to buy lunch (with what money?) and she explains that Jake never watches her dance and would hate it if he did.

“Liam and Justin got on remarkably well, which actually really surprised me at first because I wouldn't have thought that a macho ice hockey player could be friends with an openly gay guy who liked to wear something pink every day. Shows how much I know.”

Busting out the hardcore stereotypes are we? Why wouldn't they get along? I know this is to illustrate how mature and open minded Liam is, but it just makes me think how narrow minded Amber is. Yeah, you're a manly man so naturally your homophobic? Macho athletes can't be good people? And what about straight dude can't wear pink everyday? Gay guys can't be macho ice hockey players?

Amber bribes Justin with doughnuts and wakes Liam up. He tells her that her shirt is riding up. He offers to help her with that and she decides to “tease” him.

(Side note: she uses various conjugations of the word “tease” 93 times)

“It wasn't like he'd never seen me in my underwear before; he saw enough of me last night while I was being sick in just my underwear!”

Now you care?

And another thing, did she sleep in her bra? That is not comfy.

She takes the shirt off, tosses it at him and goes to her closet to “find some sweatpants or something I could wear to dance in.”

“He gasped behind me and then let out a little moan.”

Does he need a new pair of pants? Ew.

He gets up and goes to her.

“'So, am I allowed to touch you today?'”

He says this literally breathing down her neck and I find it very creepy. Yeah, it is supposed to be sexy, and I like that he is at least asking permission, but I think of Hey, Arnold when I read this.

She “stiffened” but don't worry it's not because this has anything to do with her emotion problems but rather because he is a “Greek God," swoon. I'm kinda over the “Adonis” / “Greek God” thing in books. You know what a lot of the greek gods weren't known for? Consent.

“'Um...I don't know...do you want to?' […] He'd been with so many girls before, all of them prettier than me and more experienced than me. That had been my first real kiss last night; no doubt I sucked royally at it!”

Yeah, that's why he is asking if he can touch you, because he doesn't want to.

He nods and she let's him touch her.

“One hand made its way up, gripping the back of my neck lightly, while the other hand tickled its way downward. I gasped as his hand brushed over my ass, just once, before coming to rest on the small of my back.”

Did he over shoot the small of her back? How this plays out in my head is, he goes for the butt grope but she gasps so he moves his hand back up to the small of her back.

And right as he is going in for the kiss, her phone rings. Liam is all “Oh no” and Amber is all “Oh no” and I am all

“'Just making sure you and your hot ass friend didn't go back to sleep'”

She uses variations of “ass” 84 times. This may be a new game for me.

They get dressed and both are not being dicks. This surprises both Amber and me, and we both wonder how long it will last.

“'You know you have the sexiest ass in the world, right?'”

Maybe Moseley has the butts disease. We should ask Jeph Jacques how to diagnose.

Amber goes into the bathroom for some introspection. Which really reminds me of the song “The Confrontation” from the musical Jekyll and Hyde.

“What's wrong with me […] He's going to crush you, and you're going to end up like that damn slut Jessica […] But he wouldn't do that to me. He'd spent every night with me for the last eight year.”

Liam left while she got dressed, leaving a daisy on the windowsill. Amber tucks the flower into her ponytail and leaves a note for Jake exchanging cleaning up for a movie night with her girls. Apparently this was her “usual bribe for helping him clear up” so I don't know why Jake didn't threaten her with “no movie night if you don't help” but what do I know about having siblings. I only have a few myself.

Meanwhile...

Liam is smiling like an idiot and Amber is all “Why you do happy?” To which, Liam replies with

“'I had a good night last night, that's all. I finally scored with some really hot chick that I've been after for a while.'”

And while everyone in the world with complete use of their mental faculties understands what this means, Amber thinks this bullshit.

“My insides felt like someone had shoved a chainsaw into my stomach. He had hooked up with someone, and then came on to me in the bed?”

Foghorns are less subtle than this. How does Amber not get it? No, really, I don't understand why this would be the first place she would go. Even if she some how has less self-esteem than me, think about last night for two seconds. When did Liam have time to hook up with anyone other than Amber? He spends the whole night trailing her, dancing with her, fighting her brother and then her attacker, then comforting her while she is sick. When did he have time to have make outs with anyone else?

I find myself thinking

She hates on him, gets doughnuts, listens to rave music so she doesn't have to talk to him. They get to her dance studio and she brags about how good they are.

“I loved to dance. Street dance was my favourite and anything that went with a hip hop beat got my vote.”

…Amber, sweetie, I don't know if you know this but street dance doesn't mean this

I only say this because most street dance involves sexual overtones and touching. Unless she just does break dance.

She gets there, apologizes for over sleeping and Justin says

“'That's OK. I'd oversleep too if I had that fine ass in my bed.”

Way to keep a secret Justin.

“We set to work on a new routine; it was hard and complicated and even had some pretty scary lifts.”

It must be hard to do lifts if you have panic attacks any time someone touches you.

“The worst one was when I was on Ricky's shoulders and had to flip off, turn in the air so I was facing backwards, then he would catch me as I fell down his body. Almost instantly, I had to wrap my legs around his waist before leaning all the way back, putting my arms on the floor and rolling my body into the floor.”

I will share a secret with the whole internet. I am not a dancer. That being said, I am calling shenanigans on this. First, it sounds less like street dance and more like cheer leading or gymnastics. Secondly, if this was physically possible, it would be an advanced move and even then it is needlessly complicated. Third, what happened to “I can't be touched by anyone”? You and Ricky seem to be touching an awful lot.

Amber tries a dozen times before practice is over. She is too tired to get up so Liam picks her up taking her to the girls shower. Then, he sets her down in the shower and turns the water on. It is a good thing that the other 3 girls on her dance crew, or any other female patron of the studio, was not using the shower at this time. They are just lucky I guess.

Anyway...

They make out in the shower. Then Amber gets scared because of what she sees on his face

“Lust, plain and simple. Liam wanted my body badly.”

Nah, he just wanted to snog you within an inch of your life because it is how he asks about your day. Don't even get him started on the weather, things will get steamy, and if he asks about the theater just run!

10 points to anyone who gets this reference!

Liam is oddly, but appropriately, concerned that he is moving too fast. Amber thinks about how he can have sex with anyone, and that it is something that she probably won't be able to give him.

“...he could have any girl he wanted, and he did!”

“'Liam, what do you want from me?'”

“'Everything,' he said simply.”

Even though that line is about as hackneyed as it gets, Amber is still pissed about “that skank” that he hooked up with. It is ten paragraphs of Liam trying to explain that Amber is an idiot before she realizes that it was her he was talking about.

He professes his love for her and we find out it was Jake keeping him from making a move. Although, Liam has made his intentions pretty clear thus far, but whatever, if this means a conflict I'll bite. Jake is keeping them apart.

Amber hesitates because she is afraid of Liam breaking her heart. If I was her I would be more concerned about sexual expectations, trust issues, and occasional episodes which may lead to panic attacks or violence then ultimately rejection. But hey, him cheating on you is important too. Amber thinks about how much she needs Liam in her life. They smooch, and she talks about how

“It wasn't something I could think through and reason out the pros and cons.”

Yeah, actually it is. If you think it will emotionally destroy you to be with him, then don't do it. If he is really a friend and not a neck-beard, he wont be upset. Especially, if you make it clear that you just aren't ready for a relationship. But whatever. I'm sure having untreated PTSD from sexual trauma and being in a relationship will in no way end badly. Do carry on.

They decide to go on a lunch date and Liam suggests they change because, if you remember, he turned the shower on while they were still clothed. Naturally, he needs to comment on how sexy she is wet and the chapter thankfully ends. Huzzah!