Boy Window Chapter 4: The party that changes everything

Last time in Boy Window...Liam sexually assaults Amber but it's okay 'cause he only meant to objectify her not cause a panic attack and he said he was sorry. They have a non-date where physiology works against the narrative. And the chapter ended with the promise of a 90's teen movie party and a new definition for PTSD.

Chapter 4

We start this chapter with Amber explaining how they get their underage drink on while she takes a bath.

“When the boys came back from their illegal, underage booze buying trip and started clattering around downstairs...”

Wait? Your house is two stories? Does Amber live on the bottom floor? If not then how does Liam sneak in her bedroom window every night? Even if her room was downstairs when she was younger, we have seen him exit through the window twice now. Do they have a ladder perpetually under her window? Or perhaps a conveniently placed tree? If so, how has no one caught on?

“I sighed and wrapped myself in a towel. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I walked straight into a hard body. I squealed as I stumbled. Liam's hands shot out, gripping my waist and steadying me.”

Okay, 4 things about this.

1. I'm over girls in books being klutzy. 36 pages in and Amber has tripped or knocked something over half a dozen times.
2. Why is she not panicking? She is wearing nothing but steam and a towel and the girl is in the arms of a dude who sexually assaulted her earlier that day. Yeah, they had a non-date also, but I'm never going to let that moment of assholery go.
3. Why is she only wearing a towel? When I shared a bathroom with roommates, I brought my change of clothes with me into the bathroom. It didn't matter if they went out, I was paranoid they would come home and catch me in such a state. Amber doesn't even mention “forgetting” her clothes so I have to assume it is on purpose.
4. If she lives downstairs, was she planning on walking through her house in nothing but a towel with her brother and his friends around? I don't get this floor plan at all.

Liam creeps on her. She gets huffy.

“...storming off to my bedroom, silently wishing I'd just chosen to have a shower in my en-suite rather than a bath in the family bathroom.”

She has an en suite bathroom? Does she have the master bedroom in the house? Why would a sixteen year old get the master? Or do all the rooms have a bathrooms? If that is the case what makes the bath tub she used the “family bathroom”? How can a single parent make enough money for that kind of house? The more I learn about the spacing of this house the more confused I get.

Amber goes into her bedroom, which leads me to believe she is on the second floor, and Liam goes after her. He tries to open the door, but bro, you just saw that she was naked so, maybe she wants to get dressed? I don't know, call me crazy, but that is what I would want to do.

Amber is naked, but since Liam uses “that voice” she relents. She let's him in first, then dresses because...? Reasons? Is that the answer we are going with?

“I stepped to my drawers and found my favourite T-shirt of Liam's that I'd found in the wash. I pulled it on, being careful to keep the towel wrapped tightly around me too.”

Why couldn't she have gotten dressed first? If she is joining the party, she is just going to have to put a bra and panties on after they are done talking, so what is the point of putting on his shirt now? Why does she even have his shirt and how has he never noticed it before? They see each other, both day and night, every day. Unless she only wears it under hoodies, he would have seen it on her.

Apparently, it is her favorite shirt for lounging around the house and she is terrified that he is going to ask for it back so she tells him that she is not handing it over. He says it looks better on her anyway. She cares not for his “flirting”. I add the quotes because I do not consider random compliments flirting. And he finally explains what was so important that it could not wait for her to have pants.

“'I just wanted to drop off my stuff.'”

Fuck you Liam. Seriously, we are four chapters in and I'm dedicating Star Lord to every time I want to say fuck you Liam. What was the point of this? I don't understand why any of these characters do anything they do.

Liam makes a comment about a girl wearing her guy's shirt and Amber kicks him out. She takes some time to tell us she is going to be different tonight and wear lacy underoos, black shorts and a tank top. She talks about how she isn't super pretty and has her insecurities but some how I don't care. It doesn't normalize her, it some how still comes off as gloating.

“I knew that Jake wouldn't like my outfit though. It probably showed too much skin for his liking, even though I was entirely covered and compared to the girls he and Liam were used to hanging around with, I looked like a nun.”

Yay, more slut-shaming. I was hoping that chapter 2 was going to start a trend. I mean, of course Amber should look down on women who wear what they want. If they think they can choose their own clothes then soon they will think they can make other choices for themselves and where would we be?

And why would Jake have a problem with her wearing shorts and a tank top? What is he an American school administrator? Shorts and a tank not apart of the dress code? I would get him being uncomfortable with his sister wearing lacy panties but that's because it suggests someone may see the pretty panties and bro, that's his little sister.

“Besides, no one would pay any attention to me. They never did.”

“I was afraid of what would happen if they did. I was afraid of what they would see. I was afraid that they would notice the cracks in my cold exterior and see the broken girl beneath. The girl who stayed silent on Sundays and wept in Liam's arms until she fell asleep.”

Psyche! Moseley didn't write that. But let's talk about what she did write.

I interpreted this two ways. The first was with frustration because we have seen several people notice her. She even says that it is only because Jake and Liam are overprotective that guys do not hit on her and that is happy about that because of PTSD. So, no, you don't get to sing “I'm a lonesome polecat” when your isolation is by choice and you were content with it two chapters ago.

The second way I read this was a slight to her family for not doing anything when her dad abused her. Like “just keep smiling mom, just like you never saw what he did” kinda thing but somehow I doubt that is what Moseley was going for.

Amber sits around until the party is “in full swing” so that “Jake wouldn't be able to tell me to go change in front of everyone and embarrass me.”

“As I inched out of my room and made my way down the hall, I saw Jake in the kitchen.”

So she does live downstairs, which explains how Liam gets in and out of her room but then we have the running around in nothing but a towel when your brother and his (as you described them) “man-whore” friends are hanging out, problem. And why is her room downstairs when everyone else's is probably upstairs? Or is only “the family bathroom” upstairs? Does up and downstairs mean something else in where ever this book takes place?

But then Jake sees her and stops my architectural confusion.

“His eyes narrowed and he gave a small shake of the head, mouthing the word 'change' to me.”

Why does he care? It's shorts and a tank top. What is so inappropriate about shorts and a tank top? Yeah it could look like this

but I highly doubt that Amber is into cosplay.

Amber ignores Jake and runs into her friend Sean who pokes fun at her for showing her legs. Cause I guess she never wears anything but jeans, but then I have to wonder why she owns the shorts in the first place if she never wears them. I guess someone could have given them to her, but clothes are a S.O. and mom gift and there is an absence of both in her life so she probably would have gotten them herself.

Amber narrates that her two best friends are flirting with her brother, as usual, and that he is uninterested but likes the attention and makes sure to get it when ever he wants.

You know what I want? A likable character. It's rude to hit on your BFF's brother without discussing it first with said BFF. And Amber is letting her friends get their feelings manipulated and eventually hurt because she is aware that Jake has no interest in them at all. And Jake is encouraging young women he has no romantic interest in.

“Arms suddenly wrapped around me from behind”

“...and I wasn't there anymore. I could no longer hear the thrum of the music or see the writhing bodies on the dance floor. I could only feel the arms around me and remember what it was like on those days when I became his 'special girl'. Bile filled my throat as memories filled my mind...”

Nah, I'm just shitting you. It's just Liam here to tell her she looks great and she says

“'Get bent'”

Which I didn't know that teens said that anymore. I know it's been nearly a decade since I was in high school, but I didn't realize the language changed that much.

Amber walks in with the OBC laying down for body shots and she asks Liam to join. Apparently, Liam can't just say no and he silently asks Amber for help but she just encourages him to do a body shot. So Liam picks her up, puts her on the counter and says he'll take a shot off of her. She calls him a whore and he sets her down. And

No, seriously. Why does this matter? Why is this here? Liam has a thing for Amber. We get it, did we need this scene to drive that home? What is the point?

I guess the point is to give Amber a reason to drink because that is what she decides next. I don't get how point A led to point B but I find myself channeling Clark Gable.

Amber starts to drink, Liam tries to slow her down, and she declares she wants to get wasted. So she does. Liam keeps an eye on her and Amber's friends are all “he has a thing for you” and she is all “nah, he just doesn't want to clean my vomit”.

Amber goes for a refill, Liam asks her to dance cause it's his favorite song. So they do.

“I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into his neck. He smelled phenomenal, and I wondered what he would taste like if I licked him. Wait, did I just think about licking Liam like he was a Popsicle or something?”

“The song wasn't really a slow song so we were swaying quite fast and half grinding against each other.”

The song is “She's like a star” by Taio Cruz. I didn't know it, so I looked it up out of curiosity. She is right that it is not slow, but it's not fast either, moderate is the most appropriate word. Considering she says she loves dancing in the next sentence, I have to wonder what she considers fast. In all honesty, I think Moseley just chose the song because it shares the same cliches .

“I could feel him getting aroused but this didn't bother me.”

Alcohol is a sedative and a depressant and has the wonderful side effect of making mental health problems more pronounced. If Amber has symptoms of PTSD, like the narrative keeps insisting she does, and if she has gone untreated for it, alcohol would wreck her. And just to prove I'm not just talking out my ass, here is a quote from the US Department of Veteran Affairs website on PTSD

“Alcohol use and intoxication (getting drunk) can increase some PTSD symptoms. Examples of symptoms that can get worse are numbing of your feelings, being cut off from others, anger and irritability, depression, and the feeling of being on guard.”

But Amber is wasted and relaxed and calmly thinking about how morning wood is normal (which it is). She sees Liam smiling and she swoons a little before Jake cock blocks with the standard “Dude, what the fuck? That's my little sister!”

“'Jake, seriously, I'm just dancing with her! That's her song!'”

1. Jake has the right to be upset when his best friend is grinding his erection against his once traumatized and currently drunk sister.
2. Did we really need to hammer it home that the song is symbolic?

“'Liam, you need to stay away from my sister. She's only sixteen for fuck's sake, and you know what she's been through. She doesn't need guys like you chasing her around.'”

All valid points. The being sixteen one is a little weak, they are eighteen so I don't see the problem as long as they don't have sex.

Jake and Liam argue. Amber cares not for her brother and his best friend of eleven years having a potentially friendship ending argument over her, and decides to drink some more. Cause why not?

Amber walks into another guy (does she need glasses?) he looks like he is in a grunge band and a little older than Jake.

“I immediately flinched because he was touching me, but the drink had numbed some of my worry nervousness...”

She is having an attack of Plot Convenience, he must be a bad guy.

“'I'm Trent'”

Trent: I'll be your assailant for this evening so your love interest can rescue you.

Amber: Didn't we do this in Chapter 2?

Trent: Honey, that was so 20 pages ago.

“I didn't recognize him from school, 'You go to Penn State?' I asked”

Do you go to Pennsylvania State University Amber, who is sixteen? Didn't she says she was in high school? Is that were this is taking place, Pennsylvania State...high school? If they are in college then I have even more questions about how they talk. So far, they don't really talk like teens and they certainly don't talk like college students. I am so confused.

It turns out that Trent is the OBC's brother and Amber decides it's a great idea to drink with this guy she just met who makes her uncomfortable. To be clear, this isn't a case of “how do I politely reject him so that I don't end up in a body bag” situation. This is a “he asked me to drink and that sounds like a great idea” situation. And it turns out, it's not.

He pushes her against the counter and tries to kiss her while she has a panic attack.

“When his breath blew across my lip...”

Moseley really likes this phrase. This is the third time it has come up in 42 pages.

“...I gasped and pulled my head back sharply, yelping as the back of my head connected with the cupboard behind me. My eyes watered as my body started to shake. Trent frowned, seeming a little bemused...”

How does one frown and look bemused at the same time?

“...before he closed the distance and pressed his lips to mine.”

That took so long I was sure someone would stop him. He kisses her. Amber narrates how it makes her feel dirty and ashamed, and I'm sorry, but I still don't care. The writing is just not connecting with me on an emotional level, I don't actually feel her anxiety, and I don't fear for her safety.

“Suddenly he was gone. Through tear-filled eyes, I saw Liam pinning the guy against the wall.”

Liam yells at him. Amber goes to her room, and her private bathroom, and pukes. Liam comes in to comfort her while she is sick. He helps her brush her teeth, and get undressed. At this point she is all giggly and has forgotten about the sexual assault of five minutes ago and the panic attack it caused. Liam takes off her shoes and Amber is having a giggle fit, in her pretty underwear, shortly after a PTSD episode wherein she remembered her father raping and molesting her for 8 years. But teehee I'm drunk-a-dee-drunk-drunk.

Then she pukes some more, brushes her teeth again, and Liam gives her the shirt off his back.

Why did we need to go through her vomiting and brushing her teeth twice? What did it add?

And it gets better, because you know what all rape survivors think about when they are half passed out from alcohol consumption and they were just sexually assaulted reminding them of their trauma?

“'That jerk stole my first proper kiss!'”

Fuck you Amber

“A girl's first kiss is important to her.”

Again, fuck you Amber.

Liam reminds Amber that he was her first kiss, cause I guess she forgot that one time when she was eleven and she kissed him to comfort him when he fell out of a tree. Plot convenience!

Liam says it was his first and best kiss, I guess eleven year old Amber really knows how to smooch. Amber insists he go enjoy the party. He says no, thanks. He falls asleep. Amber talks about how sexy he is. Liam wakes up and says he feel violated. Amber says that Liam does it all the time to her (which makes it okay?), he says he is sorry.

Fast forward through the foreplay and they kiss

 Not really

They make out and, because it is not needed right now, her PTSD is taking a coffee break. I wish I could join, a tiramisu latte sounds bomb right now.

Jake bangs on the door, Amber tells him to go away. He asks what happened to Liam, Amber lies and says that he went home, and before they are sure he left Liam is kissing Amber again.

“'Amber, are you OK? You sound a little strange.'”

“Look Jake it is really hard to talk with your besties tongue in my mouth.”

In reality, she giggles (again) and tells Jake she threw up and wants to go to bed, and that she wont clean up in the morning. Jake tells her they both know she will anyways and he leaves.

More make-outs happen. He goes in for some boob action and Amber hits the brakes. Not because of bad memories but because things are moving too fast. They cuddle instead, and Amber starts to regret the kissing.

“After all, I'd just made out with my brother's best friend, who was a total man-whore, and who only cared about himself.”

Amaterasu above, I am made of lists in this recap.

1. Her first point is valid.
2. “total man-whore” are you afraid he has an STD? Are you afraid he wont be faithful? I thought you didn't want or could not handle a relationship. Or is this supposed to be a “she doesn't realize she is secretly in love with him” cause she barely seems to tolerate anyone.
3. What makes you think he only cares about himself? He has been a ass hat at times but not necessarily selfish. And given how much of this chapter was dedicated to showing that he wants to take care of Amber, it is unfair to say he only cares about himself.

And that's all for this chapter folks. But I do want to talk about something that I couldn't fit in earlier. There is no reason for Amber's sudden change. Usually, there is a catalyst, an event, or epiphany that makes a character change. Amber gets out of the bath and suddenly break routine by wearing shorts and drinking for no reason. There is no lead in or explanation as to why tonight, at this specific party, she wants to be different, and that is just bad writing. I can't side with a character if I don't understand them. I can't understand them, if I don't know what drives them. And, as of yet, I do not know what drives these characters other than the author's desire to make plot points happen.