Last time in Boy Window. Liam makes
Amber over sleep. She hates him and everyone else in the world but
not for any of the legitimate reasons that she has. They cuddle and
make up. Riveting.
Chapter 3
“I woke at six o'clock as usual”
Durga's left foot, what is with her and
the word “usual” just how often does this appear? The power of
word search tells me, at least 60 times. In a book where the
narrative takes up about 266 pages that is once every 4 pages. That
doesn't seem like a lot, but half the time the word isn't needed. She
could have said she had her alarm set to 6 every morning and it would
have had the same effect. This is a knit pick I know, but it annoys me.
“I had my head on his chest and my
leg draped over his crotch, which, as usual, was already full of the
'morning glory' that happened to all boys.”
Does he wake up every morning with an
erection? That must be damnably uncomfortable.*
Anyway...
Amber tries to wake Liam, he pulls her
on top of him, then wakes up, they get into a other spat and he
apologizes and kisses her forehead. There, I saved you a page of
reading. You're welcome.
More cereal eating antics. A friend
asks for advice on getting his girlfriend a birthday present.
“I chuckled, wondering if I'd ever
be able to have that kind of normal boy-girl relationship that other
people took for granted.”
That's rather hetero-normative of you to
say Amber, are LGBTQA peeps not around where you are from?
Amber thinks she is late, rushes to
class, sees Liam and he...
“...stuck his foot out, tripping
me up. I squealed and closed my eyes as I plummeted forwards. Before I hit the ground, his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me
upright.”
...Am I supposed to swoon now? Usually,
when the hero puts the heroine in danger, it's supposed to be by
accident. Like “I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess” and then
the audience and the heroine go “no, it's not your fault. I chose
to be here with you.” But this is completely his fault. What is
this dudes problem? Amber says that he has this dual personality.
Night Liam is all sweet and Day Liam is an ass hat, but so far it's
more like Liam is alright except when does awful things out of
nowhere for no reason. Is he like Launch from Dragon Ball? Does he
sneeze and become a twat waffle for a minute, sneeze again and then
be fine?
"Aaaaaa-douche"
Not all characters have to be likable.
Not all characters are meant to be liked. Joffery is one example. But
I feel like Amber and Liam are supposed to be likable, and they are
not.
“...his hands slipped down my back
and came to rest on my butt. 'Mmm nice,' he purred in my ear.”
And now you are sexually assaulting the
girl you protected from a rapist!? In what world is this an okay
thing to do? Answer: NONE.
“My breath caught in my throat as
memories of my father surfaced, of his breath on my neck and his
hands on my body as he told me how special I was.”
Praise Allah!
“By George She's Got
It!”
How sad is it that I am happy that
Amber is responding appropriately to this shitty situation?
Sweet, now if the rest of the book has
this level of verisimilitude we will be good. A+ Moseley. I didn't
think you could do it, but rock on.
Amber knees him in the balls. (Another
reasonable response, things are looking up.)
“'Angel, don't go. I'm sorry, I'm
really sorry […] I was only joking around, you know I'd never hurt
you.'”
It is one thing to accidentally hurt
the one you love. It's shitty, but it happens. People do things with
no intention of causing anyone harm, but they do. This is not one of
those situations.
Let's pretend that sexual assault, by
itself, is an okay way to “joke around”. Let's pretend that it is
not one person invading another persons space and trust for their own
gratification and with no regard for the persons free will. Let's
pretend that people are like clothes at the store, you can feel them up as much as you like before asking
permission. Let's pretend this does not make someone a terrible
person. You still would not do this.
You do not sexually assault someone you
love when you know that they were a victim of sexual abuse. You do
not intentionally remind them of their past trauma and expect that to
be okay. You don't get to apologize and say “I'd never hurt you”
because, guess what asshole? You did, and you did it on purpose.
If Liam didn't know that Amber was
raped for 8 years, then this would be awful, but I could accept his
apology, but he does know. I'm 25 pages in and I am hoping that the
love interest gets hit by a train. Only about 241 more pages to go.
“Liam shook his head and hobbled
closer to me, pulling me into a hug and pressing his lips to the base
of my neck.”
I hate Liam. How is that supposed to
help? Cause at this point, he is trying to make amends and calm her
down. So performing an act of intimacy on a person who is in the
middle of a PTSD episode, is just about the worst thing you can do.
“This was what Liam always did to
calm me down when I was sobbing on his shoulder; this was the only
thing that seemed to work.”
No. No. No. No. No. That is not how
that works Kirsty Moseley! Cuddling? Sure, it may help the victim
feel safe and secure. But neck kissing? That is a purely sexual act.
I've kissed friends before, in a friendly manner. That's just a
thing, but if I saw my best friend crying because she is traumatized
by someone's sexual advances, I'm not going to nuzzle her neck.
I was so happy that Amber actually
acted like a real person for a minute and then this happens and now I
hate Liam. Can the main characters be good people at the same time
for one scene please? Is that too much to ask?
Liam apologizes a couple of times saying how he “wasn't thinking” and Amber blames herself because it
happens anytime anyone touches her. Which again, people have touched
her a dozen times in the book in casual and intentional ways but this
is the first real time we see her react (I don't count the two dudes
in chapter 2 cause her response was muted). Amber says she is sorry
for kneeing him, which she shouldn't because, as Liam says, it was his
own damn fault. This whole scene just makes me see red.
“I had a feeling that when Liam
looked into my eyes, he could see the real me the one I tried to hide
from everyone, the scared little girl that didn't like people to
touch her...”
She hides it so well that audience
can't tell that she has issues half the time.
Amber spends the next paragraph, more
or less, repeating the same thing. No one, man, woman or child can
touch her, except for her mom, Jake and Liam (most of the time). I
liked that she was at least acknowledging her PTSD but we aren't
finding out anymore about Amber or her state of mind with each
repetition. If she was still in panic mode, I'd get it more, because
anxiety will do that to a person, but she is calm now and reflecting
and we still are just barely grazing the surface.
Anyway...
They are late to class, and in this
world, skipping is some how better than just being late. I'm pretty
sure that the teachers would prefer them to be in class, albeit 10
minutes late, but hey what do I know. If sexual assault is a joke then
maybe missing 10 minutes is worse then truancy.
Amber doesn't know which Liam will be
hanging out with her today (my vote? Neither), and then thinks this.
“Great, an hour with day Liam is
my worst nightmare.”
Considering what just happened two
pages ago, when you had a breakdown, I don't think the hyperbole is
appropriate.
They get to an ice skating rink, which
Amber hates, and the best sentence so far is uttered.
“You need skate hire?”
Why is it the best? Because now I'm too
distracted by it to think about how awful our protagonists are. I
can't even begin to talk about what is wrong with this sentence. If
this came from a person with English as a second language, I would
completely forgive them. English is not a fun language to learn if it
is not your first, but we are given no narrative clue that this is
the case.
"You need skate hire?"
Amber tells us that the woman saying
this is in her late 20's and undressing Liam with her eyes but no
other descriptors that would explain why a phrase like “you need
skate hire?” exists as it does.
Meanwhile...
Amber is “dumbstruck” because Liam
knows her shoe size. Girl, you've known him since you were five and
have been snuggling since you were eight, why does this surprise you?
Is shoe size knowledge a thing that only your true love knows? Cause
I could probably guess, like, half of my friend's shoe size.
Amber “teases” Liam about the
cashier checking him out. I'm not sure why this is here. Amber isn't
jealous, there isn't so much as a “I don't know why, but I feel the
need to punch her in the face.”
I suppose it's just so Liam can say
“Don't worry, I'm not interest in
her”
But Amber just rolls her eyes and says
she doesn't care, and I believe her.
Anyway...
Liam teaches her how to skate. She
falls a bunch (like ya do) but Liam positions himself behind her so
she falls on him instead of the ice.
It's a little over two pages of
harmless fun. Neither character is being awful but I don't find it
particularly interesting either. It's the literary equivalent to plain porridge. It provides some nutrition (in this case,
relationship development), but it is just bland.
Amber asks what time it is thinking
“First period must be nearly
over now, surely.”
Liam replies as if he heard her that
school is almost out. Amber freaks and almost falls. Naturally, Liam
catches her, but now they are within smooching distance. Will they
kiss?
Why swoon for Liam when you can swoon for Clark Gable?
“He gulped and pulled back,
leaving his hands on my hips as support.”
“As I started to fall again, he
bent down and scooped me into his arms, gripping one of his forearms
firmly under my ass, and forcing my thighs around his waist with the
other hand.”
Allow me to illustrate how this would
actually work IRL.
I'm 5'6, Super Sonic is about 5'4. We
don't know how tall Liam or Amber is so this will have to work.
In order for “his forearm” to be
“firmly under [her] ass” she would be sitting at chest height.
Me and Super Sonic are at eye level
because he has legs that go on for miles and a short torso.
This is Bonnie, she is about the same height as Super Sonic but has a longer torso and shorter legs.
In conclusion, unless Amber has an
extremely short torso, Liam would have to carry her with his hands on
her butt and her arms around his neck.
Which Amber does, because Liam takes
her around the rink once carrying her like that. She gets all “what
is this feeling in my pants?” but says out loud
“'why didn't you just get off at
the exit?'”
To which he obviously lies and says
“'You slowed me down the whole
time; I just wanted one lap where I could skate forwards, that's
all'”
And then she feels guilty.
I have hardcore (leftover) Catholic
guilt. I feel guilty about almost everything almost all the time, and
I would not feel guilty about this. It's not like you asked for the
skating lessons. He knows you didn't know how. Who cares if he was
holding back for you when he brought you there to teach you?
Whatever, they leave, get McDonald's
and Amber is all surprised because he knows her order. Again, I know
this is supposed to be some deep meaningful “he's the one” clue,
especially when she says how her bother can't even remember her
order, but it's kind of lame in the grand scheme of things.
Chatting ensues. She is amazed how easy
it is talking to him.
“I'd never spent much time with
him on my own before […] I couldn't help but wonder why he hid his
incredible personality behind the man-whore, male chauvinistic pig
attitude.”
Other than the one time that Amber
admits he was being extremely shitty, she has been more antagonistic
than him.
And then Liam has to ruin it.
“Don't you trust me? How could you
have thought I wouldn't hurt you earlier at school? I've had plenty
of opportunities to touch you or force you into something over the
last eight years, haven't I?”
If she could trust you, you wouldn't
have done that. It doesn't matter how much you love someone or trust
someone. PTSD (like most mental health problems) doesn't work like
that Moseley. You can love someone more than anyone in the world but
it means shit if they trigger an episode. Soldiers kill their
partners and children who accidentally set off an episode, this
doesn't mean they didn't love or trust that person. It means that
they need help.
“'You took me by surprise, that's
all'[...] No one had ever pushed me for details […] I refused to go
to therapy after he left, my mom and Jake had tried to talk me into
it, but I just didn't want anyone to know. I was ashamed of it...”
I know I've been using a lot of pictures in this recap, it's mostly because I'm pissed and I want to offset that anger, but I can't joke about this. The following is just my personal opinion, you may disagree, but as a person with problems this is my response.
Amber
being ashamed is a valid emotion, but it is utterly irresponsible of
her mother and Jake to not have her go to therapy. No, they could not
make her talk. And yes, she loves them more for not pressing the issue. But she was raped
for 8 years. She was sexual abused, let's say, one Sunday out of
four, for 8 years. If she were my child, I would sit her down in a
therapists office whether she liked it or not. She wouldn't have to
talk about what happened, she could talk about how much she resented
me for making her be there, but she would have to be there so when
she is ready to talk, she can. Not doing anything is just about the
worst thing that they could have done. Because in the end this is how
it all translates in the mind of a person with problems: Police? No, no one
important was hurt. Therapy? She has no reason to be upset. She brought it on herself. She deserved it. Because
if anyone actually cared, they would have fucking done something.
I had to walk away from reading/writing
this so I wouldn't break something. It took watching Cute High Earth
Defense Club Love and sleeping to calm me down enough to continue.
“Gods bless magical
boys”
Amber explains she has panic attacks
when ever anyone touches her (except her mom, Jake, and Liam). This is the third (or fourth time depending how you think about it) that she says almost the exact same thing. This vexes me partly because it is uncreative, partly because it is bad writing, and partly because when someone repeats themselves using the same words every time, they sound scripted or like they are lying. It makes doubt this character and that makes me feel awful.
She
says she is sorry for upsetting him, which is stupid as shit because
he should be the only apologizing but whatever. Only two pages left
to this chapter, I need this to be over.
Liam asks Amber to not tell Jake about
them hanging out because
“'I'm not supposed to hang out
with you' […] 'on account of me being a 'disgusting man-whore''”
Gee, I was so concerned about that plot
thread. I stayed up all night trying to figure out why they didn't
spend more awake time together. My life is complete.
Liam adds a bit about her “fine ass”
Amber calls him a pig. They get to school, Jake smacks Liam for
hitting on Amber. In my head, it looks like this
“But I am an
optimist"
And Jake says that it's Friday, which means
Apparently, the brother who is super
over protective and is aware that proximity to people gives his
sister panic attacks, likes to throw caution to the wind and have wild
parties every week. Thanks for being a bro.
“'I mean, can't someone else have
it for a week so I don't have to clear up after your drunken idiot
friends?'”
Really? Amber's only problem is that
she'll have to clean up? It has nothing to do with her anxiety or
invasion of personal space? What happened to the Amber that reacted
reasonably? If she wasn't an untreated, unmediated, rape survivor,
this would be an okay response, but I feel like Moseley forgets that
she is. Amber seems to only have PTSD when it is needed for the plot.
I hate to break it to anyone but PTSD does not stand for Plot
Convenience.
With that revelation, the chapter is
over. Thank baby Jesus.
*I asked the resident male about Liam's consistent morning wood and he says it happens, it's annoying, but it's a non-issue. As I do not have a penis, it still sounds uncomfortable.
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