Wallbanger Chapter 6: The Kiss

Last time in Wallbanger...Caroline has a lot of wet dreams about Simon and gets invited to a party that Simon is at. Oh noes!

Chapter 6

“We stood staring at each other, waves of anger and annoyance pinging back and forth between us.”

Caroline realizes they are making a scene and wonders why Simon is there. I lied a little when I said 2 of my predictions were right. My first prediction was that he would be there AND know either host, until this point we haven't found out if that second part is true.

“'Caroline, I didn't realize you knew Simon. What a small world!' Jillian exclaimed clasping her hands together.”

And now I'm for realsies 2 for 4.

They trade insults while everyone trades exclamations. Caroline gets fed-up and pulls Simon outside for a chat.

“'You've got some nerve telling everyone about me, asshole!'”

No, this is not Simon, that's Caroline speaking, but Simon calls her out on her hypocrisy and Caroline defends by changing the subject to “I'm not a cockblocker”. Simon says what goes on in his house is his business.

“It was the smirk, that damn smirk, that made me go ballistic.”

Ukko's sweaty back, they are going to kiss within the next 10 paragraphs. I can sense it.

“...when I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought, the fucker kiss me.”

CALLED IT!!!!! 3 for 4! I'm good. No lie, it was 5 paragraphs after the last sentence. I almost feel pathetic for being so familiar with the trope to call it so accurately. Anyway, you probably want some context. Well, this is essentially their conversation

Then she pulls away and smacks him, then kisses him again cause there is nothing like mixed signals and violence to get the sexy times going, amirite? They break apart for real and he makes a suggestive comment that she brushes off.

They go back to their friends. Chatting ensues. We find out Simon told his friend's that his cockblocker was a sexy looking cockblocker. Caroline leaves and everyone laughs about Simon's erection. (I'm not sure why).

“I turned to look at him. He was giving me a sexy little grin, and I knew that's what he used to make the panties drop. Ha – little did he know I wasn't wearing any.”

Simon tries to offer an olive branch, but Caroline assumes it's a invite. After they clear the misunderstanding they come to an agreement.

“'But you know, you don't really know anything abut me, and you certainly don't know anything about me and my 'harem,' as you call it. I don't have to justify my life, or the women in it, to you. So no more nasty judgments, agreed?'”

She agrees, but how sad is it that I don't believe her? Six chapters in and I'm pretty sure that judgment is her hobby.

Caroline makes a joke about his dick breaking off.

“...proud to use my zinger again.”

It wasn't funny the first time.

“'Unbelievable. That's all you think I am, isn't it?' he retorted, his face angry again.”

I don't blame him for being mad, I would be too.

“'A dick? Yes, in fact,' I snapped back.”

Okay, the more Caroline talks the more I think she is secretly an internet troll. She thinks she is more funny and clever than she actually is, and likes to pretend that the consequences for what she says and does are not her fault.

We find out that Neil (slated as Mimi's beau) is a sports news commentator. Sophia is a little fangirly over that because she likes football. I have a feeling Clayton is setting us up for a bait and switch. Neil is what Mimi usually looks for in a guy and Ryan is Sophia's type, but it will probably end with Ryan and Mimi, and Neil and Sophia.

The pair of pairs go off to a bar and Simon has to drive Caroline home.

 I don't watch Teen Wolf but this guys expression matched my feelings perfectly

“He'd opened the door for me when I approached the Rover, probably some ingrained training from his mother.”

Because he can't have good manners without them being taught to him by his mother.

“This was going to end badly, I could tell.”

That has pretty much been my mantra for the last 61 pages.

As Simon drives Caroline can't help but think about the kiss.

“His kiss was almost a dare, calling my bluff – a promise of what would follow if I allowed it.”

This is all well and good but the kiss came before she said she would never sleep with him, so how is it calling her bluff? Was it a preemptive strike? Did Simon anticipate that she would vow to never be his bed mate?

They chat, and he gives control over the music to her. She leans over to fiddle with the radio and

“His hand grazed against the side of my breast, and we both flinched. 'What, you tryin' to cop a feel there?' I snapped”

Caroline, his hands are on the wheel. If you lean so far over that your boobs touch his hand, it is not his fault. Simon says as much, but Caroline insists that he moved his hand. More chatting about Push-up bras and the artist Too $hort.

“He nodded at my choice. 'Too Short? Interesting selection. Not many women would have chosen this'”

I can't decide if this is misogynistic or an insult. Misogynistic because he is assuming that women would not listen to rap when of course women do, and that would make his comment a “you're not like other girls” compliment. Or it's an insult because most women who listen to rap would have better taste than Too $hort. Could you imagine if it was the latter?

Simon: Too $hort? Interesting selection. Not many women would have chosen this.

Caroline: Thanks, I like to keep it real.

Simon: No, I mean most women would go with someone better like Nicki Minaj, or Kendrick Lemar, or Lupe Fiasco. Heck, or if you wanted to stick with old school rap go with Notorious B.I.G.

Really, I have nothing against Too $hort, and I won't mitigate his contribution to west coast rap, but he never interested me.

Anyway...

They chat about their friends and how Caroline knows Jillian. Jillian has mentioned Caroline to Simon before, when Simon refuses to elaborate, Caroline gets tense.

“...worried that perhaps she's said something about my work.”

Again, a nice relatable thing for her to say. Go Clayton.

Simon tells Caroline that Jillian has wanted to set Caroline up with Simon. Caroline asks if Jillian knows about his Lady Friends.

“'Would you quit with that? Don't call them the harem. You make it sound so shady. What if I told you those three women were incredibly important to me? That I care a lot about them. That the relationships I have with them work for us, and no one else needs to understand it – got it?'”

Seriously, this makes me happy because it is true. As long as everyone is being open and honest about their relationship, then it is no one elses business. I really hope that this doesn't change later on.

“'Hey, you know what? You're right. Who am I to say what's right or wrong for anyone else.'”

I REALLY hope that this doesn't change later on.

“'I'm just surprised Jillian would want to set you up with me. She knows I'm a pretty traditional girl, that's all'”

In the last chapter, Caroline was talking about looking for her Soul-Orgasm. Is that really considered a traditional value?

Simon says that Jillian doesn't know about his Lady Friends, and that he knows her through Benjamin. Benjamin was a family friend to his parents and currently manages Simon's investments.

“'Oooh, your investments. Have a few savings bonds left over from birthdays there, moneybags?'”

He says “something like that” but all this is, is a way to let us know that he is loaded. Caroline comments on how strange this all is.

“'Well, I mean, Benjamin and Jillian both knowing us, us meeting at a party like this, and you being the one that's been keeping me nocturnally amused all these weeks. Small world, I suppose?'”

Don't draw attention to how contrived this is. It feels like this

Simon says, if he would have known who Jillian was talking about, he would have said yes. Caroline says, if she would have known, she would have said no. They settle their truce, but before Simon goes he mentions the thin walls and says

“'Sweet dreams.'”

To which, Caroline realizes

“Mother of pearl. He'd heard me.”

As in, Simon has heard her call out his name in ecstasy. What is odd about that is that he doesn't know that they are dreams. What if she is just masturbating to him? I don't know, but at least the chapter is over.