Welcome back to Story Time with Hex!
For our next Let's Read, I'm going to go chapter by chapter with
Alice Clayton's Wallbanger. Without further ado, let's begin.
The Cover
This cover opts for
simplicity over subtlety. We have a woman with her arms and legs
around a man in a suggestive pose. The color palette is muted in
black and white with pink accents. It's effective, has no
pretense, and over all not bad. When you look at this book, you know
what you are getting yourself into.
Chapter 1
“'Oh, God.'
Thump.
'Oh, God.'
Thump thump.”
“I scrambled up out of sleep, confused as I looked around the
strange room. Boxes on the floor. Pictures propped against the wall.”
Not bad exposition. We know that it's not our main character who is
getting some and we know he/she/they are just moving into their home.
“My new bedroom, in my new apartment, I reminded
myself...”
I'm not sure why you felt the need to remind yourself other than to
make sure the audience knows that you are not moving out. Seriously,
who wakes up from sound sleep to sex noises and thinks “this is my
new apartment” and not “what the fuck-ity fuck fuck? Who the hell
is fucking while I'm trying to sleep?”
“...placing both hands on the duvet, grounding myself with the
luxurious thread count. Even half asleep, I was aware of my thread
count.”
Which tells us a lot about our protagonist. They are a person of
means who likes materialistic things. This does not mean they are
materialist necessarily. They could simply be Elle Woods.
Don't we all wish we were this fabulous
There are more sexy time noises and our main character realizes they
came from their next door neighbor. Our main character (I keep saying
that because we have yet to get a name or gender) thinks about how
much they want to decorate their new apartment because they are an
interior designer. We get some more details about how their life is
wonderful and worry free because they have a huge apartment that they
can afford alone and that apartment has a giant claw-foot tub. Again,
I'm having a hard time believing that they can focus on their
luxurious life style when you can hear orgasms through the wall at
(as we find out) 2:37am.
“'Oh, Simon, that's so good! Mmm...'”
I guess we get a name for our love interest. Okay, I'm assuming that
he is the love interest because the title of the book is “Wallbanger”
and he is banging the wall. Honestly though, I thought his name would
be Harvey because this series is called “The Cocktail Series”
(each book has a suggestive name derived from a cocktail) and this
cocktail is called a Harvey Wallbanger. I guess the author didn't
care for the name or she didn't want people thinking of Harvey from
Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Anyway...
“Blinking,
I felt more awake now and a little fascinated by what was clearly
going on next door.”
Our main character is way more forgiving than I would be if I was
woken up this way after a long day of moving.
“I looked at Clive, he looked at me...”
Clive is our main character's cat
“...and if I wasn't so tired I'd have been pretty sure he
winked. I guess someone should be getting some.”
Man our main character has nerves of steel. I would have thought
that our MC would wake up like this
not like this
especially at 2:37 am after a long and tiring day. Although, I
suspect that this benevolence is just to lead into exposition.
“I'd been in a bit of a dry spell for a while. A very long
while. Bad, rapid-fire sex and a ill-timed one-night stand had robbed
me of my orgasm. She'd been on vacation for six months now. Six long
months.”
So either our MC is female or they have personified their orgasm as
such. I know it seems silly to assume gender neutrality in a romance
novel, but when I read I like to make as few assumptions as possible.
I will try to guess where things are going, or character motivations,
but that's about it.
“The beginnings of carpal tunnel were threatening to set in as I
tried desperately to get myself off.”
But I do like that she is a sexually liberated female. It's strange
to say considering the audience that most romance novels are marketed
to, but female masturbation is not often shown. This is actually only
the second author I have seen this from, but I can count about six
off the top of my head that had male masturbation.
“I pushed the thoughts of my missing O away...”
I know this is a “me problem” but when I first read that line all
I could think about was this
10 points to whoever gets it
Anyway...
The noises next door calm down enough for our nameless MC to start to
drift back to sleep but
“Then all hell broke loose.”
A painting she had on a shelf above her bed falls and hits her
“That'll teach me to live in San Francisco and not make sure
everything is securely mounted. Speaking of mounted...”
of course I mean this sarcastically
But I
will Clayton credit. This is only chapter one and I already know more
about our nameless MC than I ever did about Amber and Liam from Boy Window.
MC
speculates about a cats ability to blush, when loud chanting rhythmically concludes
“Then
I heard, for the love of all that's holy, spanking.”
I don't
know why this is italicized. Is it because the poor woman on the
other side sounds spent and spanking (giving or receiving) will take
up energy that she does not have? Is it because our MC is sexually
liberated enough to narrate her masturbation woes but not open-minded
enough for slightly varied sex?
Simon
seems to be done with his nighttime exercise and our nameless MC
moves her bed away from the wall before going back to sleep.
“I
fell asleep that night after swearing I would bang back if I heard
one more peep. Or groan. Or spank.”
I find
this strange because she seemed fine with the loud obnoxious sex
until she heard spanking and now she is scandalized and annoyed. She
went from weirdly fascinated to old man yelling at clouds over
spanking. Odd.
Well
that is it for the cover and chapter one. We got a lot out of it even
though it didn't last very long. (Insert obvious sex joke here)
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