Last time in Wallbanger...a
bait-and-switch was set up with the BFF's and Clive chased Purina
around Simon's apartment.
Chapter 8
It's the next day and
Caroline runs into Simon. Caroline asks if it would sound trite if
she said “we have to stop meeting like this”, Simon says “give
it a try” and they laugh, because yes it is trite. I find it more
funny that they only started seeing each other post-make outs. When
they hated each other, they heard each other but never saw each
other. Now that they have a truce, they see each other all the time.
They chat and Caroline is
all self-conscious.
“I shifted my weight
from one leg to another. Great, now it looks like you have to
pee.”
Or impatient, or bored, or
like you are in a hurry, but I'm sure he is thinking about you
peeing.
“'Where are you off to
tonight? I seem to always catch you when you're leaving'”
This is only the second time
you've seen each other in the hall. The only other time was when her
cat tried to attack your guest.
“...he propped himself
up on the wall.”
I know that what she means
is this
but my mental image is more
this
They banter, he asks about
their mutual friends.
“...and I didn't at
all feel a flutter in my belly at the mention of the word our.
Not at all...”
You just keep telling
yourself that sweetie.
“'Well, I can tell you
that my girls were quite taken with your boys. Did you know they're
all going to the symphony benefit next week?' I said, instantly
horrified that I went there that quickly.”
Maybe it's because I don't
get out very much, or maybe it's because I don't gossip very much,
but why would she be “horrified” that she “went there that
quickly”? It's not like you are details your friends fantasies. Or
does she think of all conversations as tit for tat? Caroline, you can
just talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a power exchange...unless
you're into that.
Caroline asks if Simon wants
to join her and the BFFs on an outing but he is leaving town. He
actually seems disappointed. Caroline asks if it is for work and when
Simon wonders at how she knows what he does.
“I felt my face go from
pink to a lovely tomato red. 'Jillian mentioned what you do for a
living, yes. And I noticed the pictures in your apartment. When my
pussy was chasing your Russian?'”
“He seemed to shift his
weight a little at my choice of words. Hmmm, weak spot?”
Or maybe he is uncomfortable
with your crass language. It's probably not the case cause guys in
these books are always “groaning” at innuendo as if they are
going through a second puberty and just the idea of boobs will make
them “lose control”.
Caroline stares at Simon's
crotch and says he has great sconces, and when she looks up she
“...noticed his [eyes]
were nowhere near my face. Heh, heh, heh...”
I'm not even sure how to
respond to this. I get that it is supposed to be funny, but it's not.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of these types of
stares, I've never found them to be complimentary. Even when the
person was attractive and flirty, once their eyes linger overly long,
my opinion of them drops. And I can't imagine doing that to someone
without feeling like a creep myself.
Simon remembers they are
talking and he says he is going to Ireland for Condé
Nast and asks if she would like a souvenir. She says stereotypical
Irish stuff and that she will do a jig for him when he gets back.
“'Aw, Nightie Girl, did
you just offer to dance for me?' he said in a low voice, stepping a
little closer.”
Again, I know this is
supposed to be smooth and seductive but...
“And just like that,
the balance of power shifted.”
Yeah, from playful to
terrifying. Caroline decides to remind him that she will not have sex
with him.
Simon: What makes you
think I'd ask you?
Caroline: What makes you
think you wouldn't?
I think he knows if he would
ask you to bed. Call me crazy, but I feel like people are aware when
they do and don't want to have sex. I know, it's madness.
Katie (Spanx) interrupts
them inching toward each other.
Caroline calls her a
“haremette” and all Simon only says “stop it”. What happened
to you Simon? Are you just becoming desensitized to bullshit? If so,
how does that work? I feel like I will need to know for later.
As Katie and Simon walk
away, Katie comments on how pretty Caroline is. I'm not sure why that
is there, there wasn't any doubt in my mind that Caroline would not
be conventionally attractive and it wasn't said with a sneer or
anything. Maybe it's just Clayton's way of showing that everybody
ships Simon and Caroline. Sure, I don't, but I don't ship Caroline
with anyone. I don't hate anyone that much.
Caroline is out to dinner
with “the Fantastic Four” I refuse to call them that myself. I
may not be a big Fantastic Four fan, but I like them too much to
include them in this book. (As a side note: I am actually looking
forward to the movie).
Caroline is people watching
at the bar.
“To my left was an
interesting couple: silver-haired gentleman with a woman younger than
I was who had newly purchased tits.”
“Good girl! You get
yours. I mean, if I had to look at flabby, old-man buns I'd want
bigger boobs too.”
Why? So you can look at your
boobs instead of his? And this doesn't even effect what is going on.
It's just these few sentences and then we move on from this couple.
Why is this here? Just so Caroline can be mean and gross about
someone else lest we think that her vitriol is for Simon only?
Caroline thinks about how
awesome she is doing without anyone else in her life.
“Turns out I'm a great
date all by myself.”
“Hot restaurant, and
even hotter bar, this place was packed with people and pretention.”
And yet most of that
pretense is coming from one source.
Caroline tells us about Mimi
being more interested in Ryan and Sophia being more interested in
Neil, and I get it, can we move on now? Nope, we need to spend a page
with Caroline talking to Sophia about it while Sophia pretends to not
know what she is talking about.
Fast-forward to Caroline at
home thinking some more about how happy she is alone. Her thoughts
get interrupted by a text from Simon. They exchange some message that
are thick with innuendo. Like I'm talking this level of innuendo.
The texting ends and
Caroline is relaxing, imagining Simon
“It was shocking how
clearly I could picture him: soft faded jeans, hiking boots a la Jake
Ryan from Sixteen Candles...”
Are you going to start
talking about other 1980's movies soon? Teen Wolf? Teen Witch? Back
to the Future? Cause if you start jerking it to Crispin Glover we
will have to have words. And did Jake Ryan wear hiking boots? It's
been awhile since I've watched any of the brat pack movies, but if we
are going by the movie poster, he was wearing sneakers.
I guess it doesn't matter.
The Chapter ends with Caroline thinking
“And that grin...”
I did not add the ellipse,
and I have to say that more than I feel I should.
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