Last time in Wallbanger...in chapter 18 there was lots of fancy food and make outs. In chapter 19, there was lots of sex but Caroline still had to fake an orgasm.
Chapter 20
Caroline is being melodramatic over faking it with Simon, but it is self-aware melodrama so I'm giving her a little leeway. Caroline and the audience feel her building a distance between her and Simon. It's only three pages before a pagebreak, but they are three really good pages. There is no banter, there are no cheesy jokes, it's just really quiet character moments. We feel how important last night was to Caroline and even though her disappointment seems a little over the top just for an orgasm, we get the sense that it's not just the orgasm that's the problem. We feel Simon sensing that something has changed between them and that Caroline is going through something and we can almost taste the futility and desperation in his asking if he can call her. If the whole book was like this, I wouldn't spend half of these Let's Reads bitching.
“Even without the stupid, blessed O, I wanted to be with Simon.”
I think that is the most mature thing I have heard Caroline say. With that, she returns to San Fran.
Caroline is on her way to the airport and all of the parts of her personality are yelling at her nerves for ruining sex.
Caroline is on the flight from New York to San Fran and she is angry. She sees an ad featuring the guy who stole her orgasm and she beats it up. The TSA give her a “strongly worded warning” (must be nice) and she goes home to her cat and to bake.
It's the next day and Caroline was baking the whole time. She hears someone at the door and it's Simon, returning home early.
“'Are you gonna tell me why you faked it?'”
That's right. Simon knows, he knows and he waited to talk to her about it, which I respect. He gave her space to process when she obviously needed it and I can't believe that is the line the chapter ended on. No joke, this was the first time in the entire book I was mad that the chapter ended. So, by gosh, by golly, we are doing another double!
Chapter 21
Caroline panics and tries to play it cool, but Simon sees right through it and wants to talk.
“Talk? Sure, I could talk. He should probably know what he was in for with me, doomed to wander the planet without an O for the rest of my life.”
Cool it, child. It's not the worst thing in the world if you don't orgasm. Your quality of life is not determined by the quality of orgasm.
Caroline throws a brioche dough against a wall in frustration and Simon is calm about it. I'm going to transcribe the next section of dialogue because it actually got a reluctant laugh out of me and I want to give credit where credit is due.
Simon: What was that going to be?
Caroline: Brioche. It was going to be brioche.
Simon: I bet it would have been good.
Caroline: It's a lot of work – almost too much.
Simon: We could try it again. I'd be glad to help.
Caroline: You don't know what you're offering. Do you have any idea how complicated it is? How many steps there are? How long it might take?
Simon: Good things come to those who wait.
Caroline: Christ, Simon, you have no idea. I want this so badly, probably even more than you.
Simon: They make croutons out of it, right?
Caroline: Wait, what?
This is the first time Clayton's double meaning dialogue actually worked. And it's also the first time me and Caroline where really in sync with our response. Hitting our heads against a wall.
Once she is done with that, she paces around mumbling about all her sex problems and Simon not understanding a word of it. It paints an interesting picture as Caroline, who had been up for a least a full day baking, probably seems unhinged. But Simon is a good ol' boy and is the literal shoulder Caroline cries on. They exchange vows of love and then have very messy food sex for 11 pages, only to be interrupted halfway through by Caroline's cat attacking Simon. This doesn't stop them from going right back at it, but it happened. I don't know why it happened, but it did. And yes, Caroline got her groove back. In her own words
“Still onward I thrashed, passing through the land of multiples and into some kind of no man's land. Passing six and seven, my body became limp with ecstasy.”
Passing six and seven? I think even Zeus is sitting around going, “take a breather, you'll hurt yourself”
Although, now I'm curious. There is only one chapter left with no real conflict to drive it forward, so what does the last fifteen pages have to offer? Is it going to be more sex? I don't know, but feel free to guess until next time.
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